This is stupid. I'm supposed to journal here and write some sort of dissertation about what's going on. Here's the deal: if you have grandparents still, call them today. I'm not kidding.
I naively thought that my Grandpa Smitty would be able to hold out two weeks for Thanksgiving. But he was tired. He passed away this morning at home.
I'm so lost and confused and, well, almost panicky that anything I say here doesn't matter and doesn't serve much more of a purpose than to let you know what's happened.
I can't tell you how I feel right now and I can't tell you what kind of a person he was except to say that there wasn't a single thing I disliked about my Gramps. I liked the way he buttered his bread. I liked his stupid jokes and the way he laughed at them. I like that he remembered how may inches of snow fell on January 7th, 1975 or any other day, for that matter. We should all be so lucky to have these things in our lives.
He always said as we were walking out the door: "come back when you can't stay so long!" Which was his way of saying you never stay long enough.
I'm crying, punkinhead. I love you. Me
ReplyDeleteIt is so cliche, but true- Grandpa was in a lot of pain, and each day it only got worse. But he loved you so much, and you gave him a lot to be proud of. There was really no one person who Grandpa didn't like, and I never met a person who didn't like him.
ReplyDeleteYou are his first grandchild, and every moment of your life brought joy to his.
Hang in there, Kiddo, we will always remember his smile.
I love you,
Dad.
I always harbored a grudge for my parents because they didn't let me see my grandmother the few days she had left before she died. I understand now they did it for a few reasons. Naturally I was 8 and wouldn't have understood, but in reality it was about preserving them in my mind with the best of memories. I don't recall my grandparents in pain because I never saw them that way. I got to keep the best of memories and avoid the worst.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, though accidental, you can feel the same. You didn't have the see the final days of such a great man. You can instead relish the memories you have, and be closer to the warmth of his happiest days, as he undoubtedly would have wanted it.
Chin up. And smile. There are now two awesome men up there who would hate to see you frown.
Sending prayers,
alsn