What About You? How Would You Answer the Question?

My grandmother, Karen Gallob, writes a monthly column for the North Fork Merchant Herald, a small paper local to the North Fork Valley, in Colorado, where my family lives and I went to high school. This month, she sent me a copy of her column ahead of time and I thought I'd share it on my blog, not only because I'm always impressed by her writing, but because she's taken the time to say something meaningful, while I've just been a bum for the past month. I hope you enjoy.

What About You? How Would You Answer the Question?
By Karen W. Gallob
DCI, December 1, 2008

The week after the election, and six weeks before Christmas, I called fourteen households to ask them an important question. Dave and I tried to pick a variety of people from all over the Outback, and we tried to cover the political spectrum. When I called these people, I suggested that they think about the question and talk it over with others, then call me back. The question I asked was: "If you could give your country one Christmas gift to begin the year 2009, what gift would you give it?"
Well, we did run the gamut, all right. One person snapped at me that he would give the country a different president elect, and that person would not discuss the matter further. I think some men hid behind their women's skirts, because I started with a gender-balanced call list, but all my respondents were women. I will say, however, that most of the women had conferred with at least one male.
The answers I received were excellent--thoughtful and full of heart. One person gave me a clear answer on the spot, and five others called me back. Some had conferred with friends and family, not just here, but all over the country.
The first thing I notice is that it was almost impossible for people to narrow their response to "one" gift. People love their country, and what it stands for is important to them. As if it were a well-loved family member, you'd like to put a whole bunch of stuff under the tree for it. Angel Rodstrom and her family took an end run around that problem to make a score. I'll print her complete response below because I think you'll love it. Her family would like to give the United States "C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E."
C--Compassion for all others
H--Humanity amongst the whole human race
O--Old fashioned values
C--Community support
O--Omitting discrimination in its entirety
L--Life and honor
A--Ability to work with other countries toward world peace
T--Trust in others to make solid decisions
E--Equality for all
Angel then wrote:
"I got a call the other day from someone who has written a lot of stories that I have so much enjoyed reading. She asked me a very good question that I thought was worthy of a family discussion. She only gave me a couple days to come up with an answer. I wanted to come up with a good answer to a good question asked on the heels of the election, our crumbling economy, and our troops going on seven years of war. My family and I discussed it and we came up with some good answers. My daughter thought everyone should have food and then, the more we discussed it, we had some other pretty good ideas, too.
"What this country is missing is good, old-fashioned morals and values. There used to be a strong sense of community where people really cared how people were doing. They were there during the good times and the bad times. Families used to be a lot closer. What we need less of is discrimination and people judging each other. The more people judge each other the more laws that get made. The more laws that get made, the less freedoms we have as a people. If we want to get this country back on its feet we have to do it together, and I mean the whole human race. We have to base our decisions on the whole human race, not color, gender, religion, or whether you are Republican or Democrat. So our family's gift to our country would be "CHOCOLATE." With a little bit of our CHOCOLATE, this country could be even SWEETER."
*******
So, there. How do you like that? Angel's answer illustrates that real people can't be stuffed into media dictated categories; her ideas are complex, well-rounded, and thought provoking.
Another interesting take on the "How can I pick just one gift" issue was expressed by Rita Claggett. Her first instinct was to give her country world peace. Folklore has it, though, that when you rub the bottle and get the three wishes from the genie, you usually get tricked. That genie will escape you by bringing on the unintended consequences of your wish. Rita said, "No one can know the unintended consequences of anything, so I ruled out 'peace.' What it takes to get there is not known."
I said, "Do you mean like a world dictatorship or the complete subjugation of a people?" and she replied, "Yeah, like that."
After talking it over with friends and giving the question a good mulling over, Rita settled on the answer, generosity of spirit, because "that encompasses so many good things to make the country and world a happier place."
As we discussed this, Rita made sure that I understood she is not referring to material generosity. "Many Americans are exceedingly, maybe excessively, generous," she pointed out. She is referring to an intangible, a blanketing concept that would include tolerance and people giving other people the benefit of the doubt. Properly understood, her idea of generosity means a generosity of self, energy, and assets, and it can be seen as a way to counteract the greed that is destroying not only our infrastructure, but much of our natural world and valuable human culture. "Generosity of spirit," she emphasized. "That's what I would like to give."
Did you notice that Angel's and Rita's gifts have very similar elements? Two other callers, whom I know to be from opposite ends of the political spectrum, came up with ideas that relate directly to each other. These callers were Carolyn St. Geme and Erin Gallob.
Erin said, "You know what I hate? I hate the sexualization, materialism, negative role models, and in general the culture of outlawry that is glorified to our young people. I like the idea that Obama is from a racial and ethnic minority; his family was poor; he was raised in part by a single mother on welfare; he was tossed around the world as he grew up. All of these things could have made him act like a victim, or end up as a gangsta or pimp, but he overcame his background to get where he is today. So, my gift would be that kids who are struggling and come from tough backgrounds could see Obama as a role model: I want them to see that if they work and try, there is an alternate future for them."
Now, compare Erin's, as well as Rita's and Angel's, answers to Carolyn and Jim St. Geme's clear, concise, and cogent statement: "[Our gift would be] a recommitment of our American society to personal responsibility, a return to family morals, and to a spirit of unselfishness." That's nice, isn't it? It's the other side of the same coin.
The very first person I called for this exercise was Ann Critchley, and she blew me away by giving me an eloquent answer on the spot--no need to call back for Ann! Ann is deeply rooted in America and in the sacrifices people have made to create this country. Some of her ancestors came here as bond servants ("essentially as slaves," Ann stresses) from France, before the constitution was written. In that side of the family, in fact, there was a man named James Bowdoin who helped write the constitution. (You can look it up.) On the other side of the family, people came from Denmark for the American opportunity, plus her father was a quarter Lakota (Sioux). He was orphaned early and by age seven put into a hobo camp to survive. When adopted at age 12, her dad still could not read or write. Ann herself has experienced homelessness. Because of all this, Ann is irritated with the victim mentality, the bailouts of people and companies who brought on their own problems, and the poor management of our country's resources.
So, what would Ann's gift be? "I would have the country return to the constitution and our pioneer spirit. We need our country to have an old fashioned, let's-get-it-done, mentality. People need to be willing to step in and do it, regardless of the sacrifices." Ann added, "I was taught to rely on the Lord, my own ingenuity, and hard work."
Theresa Adam was the last person with whom I spoke. When I asked her the question, she said softly, "Oh, I'll be darned. I'll be darned." She then talked with Jay and her family here, called her son Jesseb in Ft. Collins, and spent time on the phone with her sister, Pat Dwelley. The main issue that concerns her family is the anger, fear, and dissension that seem to be plaguing our country. Finally, after much soul searching, Theresa and her family formulated the following:
"To begin the year 2009, we would give to our country the gift of courage and wisdom to accept cultural and social differences as a joyful reflection of world diversity, not an excuse for divisiveness."
Isn't that beautiful? I love it--it gives me goosebumps.
After all the preceding thoughtful suggestions, I wasn't sure I could add anything new. However, it is only fair that I try to answer my own question. I am concerned about the number of people who seem to speak and act before they put their brains in gear. Not just now, mind you, but for the past several years. There seems to be no serious, civilized discourse among real people. People either duck their heads and refuse to "talk politics," or they spew a rehash of what they've heard from their favorite, rabble-rousing media source, or they crack an offensive joke. Now, I am an expert on humor and jokes; I wrote a Ph.D. thesis on humor. Really, I did--no kidding! Let me tell you up front--some jokes aren't funny, and some humor can be extremely damaging. In fact, if you like your country, thoughtless "jokes" may have unintended consequences.
So, now to get off my soapbox: my gift to America would be to have it return to the old fashioned value of being a deliberative democracy, meaning that adults of all opinions listen to one another, think, and remain open to the possibility that they could be wrong.
It was a bruising election, and you may be feeling cranky or fearful; maybe you think you need to get tough in your party after a two year media bath in political polarization. Maybe you don't like having your yard signs removed or shot at, or maybe you don't appreciate having your heartfelt beliefs, worries, and values belittled. You may be irritable, ready to nitpick and criticize the gifts for the country that are proposed in this article. Maybe you could say that Angel's "Chocolate" is too gooey and unrealistic; Rita's "generosity" too broad and fluffy; Erin's "hopeful roles for youth" too idealistic; Carolyn's "family morals" just code for a far right agenda, while Ann's "get-'er-done" ignores some very real victims in impossible situations, and Theresa's "courage and wisdom to tolerate others" is a naive idea in a terrorist world. Sure, you could do that. It's your choice. Or you can stow your anger and fear and give this country your own gift. You can show some generosity of spirit, as well as personal responsibility, and package up some hope, courage, and wisdom. You can trust that your fellow community members really aren't complete dolts, even if they see things from a different perspective than you do. Giving the world and the people in it the benefit of the doubt, you can set out, like a true patriot, and "get 'er done" with a great, big, tolerant, old-fashioned American grin.