The Finish Line

So far, I've managed to read 47 books towards my 50-book goal for the year. The following list explains why I didn't quite make it.

Here are the top ten books I started in 2012, but failed to finish. This is a new bad habit I picked up this year (refer to "stress-induced illiteracy" re: the wedding). Some of them are still in running to be read, as they are clearly awesome. Some of them are going in the provebial dustbin, as they are not awesome remotely. If you have any compelling reasons why I should finish any of them please fill me in.

1. Anna Karenina

By Leo Tolstoy

Seriously though, I will finish this one. I'm on page 507 and I started it LAST New Years.

2. Cod: A Biography of the Fish that Changed the World

By Mark Kurlansky

I really tried.

3. As I Lay Dying

By William Faulkner

Wrong time.

4. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

By Stieg Larsson

Put this one down to re-read Harry Potter.

5. Interview With The Vampire

By Anne Rice

I may have seen the movie too many times.

6. The Dovekeepers

By Alice Hoffman

This probably isn't as badly written as I feel like it is.

7. The Age of Miracles

By Karen Thompson Walker

Best book premise ever. So boring.

8. The Magicians

By Lev Grossman

Don't start with me on this one. I know.

9. Fooling Houdini: Magicians, Mentalists, Math Geeks and the Hidden Powers of the Mind

By Alex Stone

I don't care about this dude's problems. Just, no.

10. Dead Man Walking

By Sister Helen Prejean

Read the first 100 pages. Cried for two days.

Round Up

Here are the top-ten awesome things I did this year.

1. Adopted a cat beast

So forlorn.

2. Got married

3. Grew a freckle on my finger 

(this one is the most impressive, as far as I'm concerned)

See it?

4. Completed a month-long cleanse, wherein I didn't eat any dairy or corn or toxic goo. 

(And in the middle of which Jared sent me a king cake, which I had to put in my freezer and resist.)

Straight from the juicer

5. Finally, finally, went to Disney World.

Breakfast of Champions.

6. Managed a pet boutique (Funnest job ever)

Dogs like shopping too.

See?

7. Got a new job at the State Department. 

(Don't freak out, nothing's totally final yet and I don't start until probably January)

8. Wrote a novel

This was the day I hit 50,000 words.

9. Cut off my hair.

(And met green man from Always Sunny)

10. Survived the Apocalypse. (This is just an assumption, but I think it's a fairly safe bet.)

Just as terrifying.

Light Reading for the Apocalypse

I started a new project today.  Here's a hint:

In addition to that, there are about a million other things going on. (Actually, there are only about four. I'm not that busy.) We're going to Texas for Christmas and we're driving. With the cat. I doubt that I'll do any more reviews before the new year/until after the apocalypse. I'm just re-reading Harry Potter now anyway. Nothing new to report.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making
By Cathrynne M. Valente

This is one of those books that I heard about, bought the same day, and finished the next day. (Alsn, did you finish it yet?) I forgot to ask for the sequel for Christmas, so if you're trying to think of something to get me, that's it.

I'm not entirely sure if this is supposed to be YA or just Y, but I'm pretty sure I would have loved it at any age. It's a fairy tale. Imagine Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland, and The Chronicles of Narnia all rolled up into one fabulous little package (I hate descriptions like that, but it's true). The main character is September, a little girl from Nebraska, who is whisked away from her home one day on the back of the Leopard of Little Breezes to Fairyland. There, she meets a Wyverary: a beast that is half Wyvern half Library, among about a billion other wonderful and intriguing characters (a soap golem! a soap golem!).

This book is fantastical, playful, smart, and totally, totally embedded in my heart.

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said
By Phillip K. Dick

A famous actor wakes up one day and discovers that his identity has been fully and totally erased. No one knows him, there is no official record of his existence. Plus, he happens to live in a police state where being off-the-record can lead to life in a forced labor camp.

This is a very philosophical bit of science fiction. I'll admit freely that I didn't love it, though there were moments that inspired some introspection. If you're a fan of thought-provoking (read: rather depressing) science fiction, read it, and let me know what you think of the end. I'd love to know someone else's opinion.

I Am Not Myself These Days
by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Where to start? This is a memoir and a love story. A very unconventional one. A rather NSFW sort of one.

Eighty percent of me loved this book, in which Kilmer-Purcell relates the story of his first year in New York City, where he is a mild-mannered advertising exec by day and an alcoholic drag queen by night. Actually, he's an alcoholic both day and night, but that's neither here nor there. One night, he meets Jack, a very upscale male escort who lives in a beautiful penthouse apartment and is always on call. This is exactly the sort of real love story I wish would flood the market. There are all sorts of imaginative books about love between vampires and werewolves and other non-existant creatures. There are not enough stories about real humans who love other real humans who don't fit neatly into boxes.

Here's the 20% I didn't enjoy:
1. This is supposed to be a humorous memoir. I did not find the characters struggles with drugs and alcohol remotely funny. In fact, I was sort of furious at them. I am, however, a professional stick in the mud.
2. I get the impression through the writing that the author watches a lot of television. In many, many places, the characters do and say things that only happen in sitcoms. Fine for fiction, a little weird in a memoir. Drag queens I believe. Drugs I believe. Male escorts I believe. The witty straight friend who always has a snappy comeback? Please.
3. Here's a good test of whether or not you'll like this book:
Have you ever been to Bourbon Street?
Did you like it a lot? Great! Read on.
Did you find it horrifying? Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

The Tao of Pooh
by Benjamin Hoff

Audio book! Do you have two and half spare hours? Do you like Winnie the Pooh? How about the Tao? How about the Tao explained through Winnie the Pooh (and Piglet too)?

Here's the deal. I loved this book. I have no idea why I hadn't read it sooner. I'm honestly not all that sure I learned anything about Taoism listening to it. Not really. I mean, I learned about things like the "Vinegar Tasters" and the "uncarved block," but I doubt I could apply that to my life. I just loved, loved listening to the narrator do all the voices for the characters. Listening to it while walking around town simply made me cheerful and content. Which is maybe more Tao than not.

Ghosties

Alright, focus. None of these books are remotely festive in any way, unless you count the fact that one of them mentions Charles Dickens, once. In point of fact, they're all about dead people.

Try not to read any subconscious angst into it, if you can.


The Corpse Rat King
By Lee Battersby

Here's the premise: Once upon a time, a corpse rat and his young apprentice are out on a battle field scavenging riches from the pockets of the fallen. In a case of mistaken identity, the corpse rat finds himself in the underworld, where a city of dead people try to make him their king. The problem, of course, is that he himself is NOT dead and has no desire to rule them (crazy, right?). He's given an ultimatum: find a king to rule in his place, or wind up in their legions forever.

It's a creative premise, I was totally drawn in by the cover and the blurb on the back. The book's biggest successes are it's wildly imaginative moments. What happens when a dead man ends up at the bottom of the ocean? What passes for conversation in a tomb long-dead kings? How does one build a palace out of bones? This is a humorous book and I am loath to make these sort of statements, but I feel like this is a dude book all the way. There's lots of cussing, and adventure, and about one and a half pages with women characters.

Plus the author is Australian, whatever that means.

This is not the most high-quality literature (for real: there are a number of bad typos throughout). But if you want something silly and imaginative to read, it will do in a pinch.


The Haunting of Hill House
By Shirley Jackson

This is a novella by the author of the acclaimed short story, The Lottery. If you've never read the story, I suggest you take a minute to do so. There's a reason it's famous.

The Haunting of Hill House is one of those books that seems designed for movie adaptation (bad and good). Everyone's personality is sort of larger than life. It's the story of a supernatural investigator who invites a group of young people to spend the summer with him in Hill House, which has--of course--a troubled past. Only three souls take him up on his offer: Luke, Theodora, and Eleanor. Even the regular housekeeper won't stay near the house after dark.

The book is vivid and the characters are charming in their own strange ways. I love the way everyone speaks to one another, in a sort of breezy, funny banter that in no way reflects the bizarre occurrences at Hill House. It's like those old movies where someone sees something awful and says, "Oh I think I'll just hang myself!" with a bright, bubbly smile. The real name of the game is psychological drama. You really can't beat a nice, ambiguous psychological horror story.

Giving up the Ghost: A Story About Friendship, 80s Rock, a Lost Scrap of Paper, and What it Means to Be Haunted
by Eric Nezum

This one's non-fiction. This is a truly fantastic book.

Nuzum's memoir travels back and forth between his past and his present. In his past, he is a haunted young man, lost in many senses of the word. He has violent dreams about the ghost of a young girl in a blue dress, dripping wet, screaming at him. He senses her presence everywhere (particularly behind the door of his parents attic, which opens by itself and where the family hears inexplicable thumping sounds). He lives in almost constant fear of the Little Girl. He is an outsider, prone to rage and depression, black outs and anti-social behavior. He has no idea what to do after high school. He has no idea why he has these dreams.

In his present, twenty or more years later, he is a happy, married, normal sort of guy, except that he is still terrified of ghosts--all ghosts--and seems to have forgotten why. In these chapters, Nuzum travels to the places people go to come in contact with the dead: The Mansfield Reformatory, Lily Dale spiritualist community, Gettysburg. He's trying to remember, and to understand.

This book is about what it means to be haunted, as a person. It's not about cheap, gory thrills (though it made me uncomfortable to turn the light off after reading it). Nuzum is himself a sceptic, and the book doesn't attempt to convince the reader of anything hokey or silly. Nuzum's life, his friendships, and his quest are so unique and still so powerfully human. I would read this book again, hands down. Hooray for used books I never would have discovered on my own!

Asleep at the Wheel

November is over. Which means NaNoWriMo is over. I reached 50,129 words on the 29th, a day before the deadline. (Do I get a medal?)

I am, however, no where near finished writing my novel. Today, I'm at 61,001 words and just getting to the really meaty parts, which are the most frustrating and most exciting. There's like, plot happening. Though I have no idea if any of it makes any sense.

That's the writing.

Here's the reading: I've finished eleven novels since my last blog post. Which is a lot of reviewing.

I do this to myself.

It
By Stephen King

Remember when the miniseries came on TV, and Tim Curry's clown face was the scariest thing your seven year-old brain had ever seen in the history of time? I remember locking myself in my grandmother's bathroom because I was so freaked out, and then thinking "oh my god, there are so many drains in here." I don't think I actually watched the movie; I just had nightmares about the promos.

With this history of terror in mind (plus all the ample hype), I expected to be terrified reading this novel. It's 1100 pages of evils clowns, insane bullies, secret pacts, crawling around in sewers, and people just getting killed in nasty ways. Except... it wasn't all that scary.

But, one of my favorite annoying hobbies is going on and on about how tuned-in Stephen King is. He knows popular culture; he knows human psychology. This book had all of that. Despite not being all that scared, I really got sucked into the world of Derry, Maine, and into the characters' lives.

Here's the breakdown: the first 800 pages are pretty much worth it. No spoilers here, but I found the ending cheesy and sort of disappointing after all that intense buildup. I highly preferred Carrie or The Stand.

(Disclaimer: I've heard a number of people say this was the scariest book they've ever read. Mayhaps I do not not know what I'm talking about.)


This is How You Lose Her
By Junot Diaz

I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to write something about this one. I may have mentioned about 150 thousand times before that I have a fondness for Junot Diaz that is deep and wide and filled with kittens and lightening bolts and wild stallions. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is the reason I went to grad school for English. When I read it, I wanted to talk about it for three hours around a big conference table filled with other nerds (wish granted). I may also have mentioned that when I told Mr. Diaz that in person, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek (brag). Which basically made me want to be a better human in every single way.

That being said, I've read a lot of reviews claiming that This is How You Lose Her is an even better book than Oscar Wao. It's not. But I'm biased. And that's a very high bar. It is, however, an incredible, heartbreaking book and better than many of the books I have read this year. It's a novel written in short stories, from the point of view of Diaz's recurring character and kinda-alter ego, Yunior. Yunior is deep, he's charismatic, he's interesting. He's also tragic. There is no woman on earth who hasn't fallen for a man like him at one point or another and lived to regret it later:

tragic

+ good-looking

+ deep

(x) cheater

__________

one out every ten ex-boyfriends in the world

But who wants to be the sort of man whom women regret? The novel succeeds in that it is both unusual and highly relatable. These are stories about the kinds of difficult relationships we've all had--with our parents and siblings, with our exes and friends. Familiar, yet deeply moving.

The Imperfectionists
 By Tom Rachman

Here is another novel in short stories. It's impossible to over-emphasize how well-written this book is. It's also hard to describe what it's about. Each chapter is one story from the life of one employee at a small English-language  newspaper in Rome. Each of the stories is interconnected, and each is anchored to the past. Each of the characters is unique, but not so unique as to become unbelievable. Most of the stories are moving.

This is just a good, solid, well-written novel.


Pulphead
By John Jeremiah Sullivan

Even if you have no real interest in reading essays, there is almost certainly something in this book for you. Pulphead is a fine collection of essays on such various subjects as caves, the Blues, what happens to people from MTV's The Real World, Christian Rock festivals, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Jackson, Axl Rose, and other awesome topics which I was thrilled to read about. The piéce de résistance is an essay titled, "The Violence of the Lambs" which also happens to be the very last essay in the book. It's weird and shocking and totally brilliant. It's about the recent trend in animal-on-human violence. It's friggin' insane, as they say.

If you do enjoy essays or pop culture, or know someone who's into any one of the above topics, I highly recommend this book.

(Disclaimer 2: Not all of the essays are awesome. Some of them are kind of a drag. But there is the beauty of the essay and skipping around.)