Top Five Reasons Why I Can't Stop Watching GHOST WHISPERER

That's right. Jennifer Love Hewitt's crazy train wreck show about a lady who talks to spirits, and which can most often been viewed in syndication on networks like WE and Lady Problems. I'll admit it. I love this show. Here's why:

5. High-level emotional manipulation. Every single episode of the show is the same, and yet two out of three result in me ugly crying over a bag of donuts. Here's what happens: Melinda (J-Love) has some sort of gory but less-than-dangerous encounter with a a ghost who is a attached to a living person somehow. Ghost and person both need help, but they usually don't want it, against their best interest: ignorami. Some vague semblances of an on-going plot occurs. Melinda forces everyone to confront their issues and the ghost walks into the light. My brain explodes like a Lilith Faire next to a Midol factory.

4. D-list cameos. Every bit-part character on every show ever has been on it. Remember Frasier's agent Bebe? DEAD. The youngest daughter, Alex, from Modern Family? DEAD. The coroner, Lanie, from Castle? DEAD. Will Schuester and also Sugar, from Glee? DEAD. Jay Mohr, consummate d-list celebrity? He's a professor of uh, something. Jamie Kennedy and Camryn Manheim have regular spots and they are awesomely bad.

3. PDA. Seriously. This show features the healthiest marriage on television. Melinda and her husband Jim spend all their time making out, drinking wine, and resolving their minor arguments with tickle fights.

"Oh, I'm sorry I was kind of overbearing earlier because I'm so concerned about your well-being and it made you feel stifled, would you like me to run you a bath?"
"Yes, you know I love you for always supporting my need to help dead people reach closure. Let's make out."

Even after Jim dies and his soul enters the body of another person so that he can still be with Melinda (FOR REAL) their relationship is way more healthy than, frankly, um, 90% of all real-life relationships. If I died, I would totally do this for Tim.

2.  Flashbacks. Every so often they "flash back" to when Melinda was a teenager and J-Love dresses up like herself as a teenager, complete with braces and bad, bad hair. It's the perfect combination of sincerity ("I have to help the ghosts, y'all!") and insanity. I mean, look at this jumpsuit, for god's sake.  How can you not love a show where they take a woman with perfect skin and hair and make her look like she auditioned for Blossom and failed.

1. The Screaming. Ohhh the screaming. On at least every other episode, J-Love either "runs over" a ghost with her car, gets attacked by one in the shower, or has her hair pulled down the garbage disposal (FOR REAL). At some point, most people would be like, BITCH PLEASE, especially since nearly all of these incidents turn out to be totally non-threatening. However, I find it completely charming that Melinda still screams about everything, all the time. 

In case you were worried, a drinking game has evolved combining Melinda's frequent screams and her also not-infrequent cleavage shots.

This show is made of win.