IN THE EVENT OF A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Just so you know, our apartment would be the perfect stronghold in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

I was thinking about this the other night and have decided that really, for the amount of rent we pay, you can't beat this level of zombie-security. Normally I wouldn't say that about a garden-level apartment, but in this case I think it's true.

Item: All of our doors and windows are barred, heavily. And our doors are made of that weird, shatter-proof Plexiglas which is impenetrable to the thumping of undead heads/loosely gripped fists.

Item: Despite being at garden level, I feel like we're fairly inconspicuous. When was the last time you saw a zombie get down on its knees and investigate something? Never. That's when. Most of our windows are behind shrubs which make it easy for us to see out, but difficult for the unobservant (read: the undead) to see in with their beady little eyes.

Item: In the event of a long stake out, we have a fireplace for heat and plenty of room to store supplies (maybe I should start stocking up?). Plenty of reading materials. But no shotgun--this is D.C. one of my neighbors is bound to have one.

Item: The apartment does have three entrances. The front is moderately conspicuous to the street, the other two are well-hidden. The side door leads to a small patio which is sunk into the ground and surrounded by a high railing and shrubs, good for getting out if needed, unlikely that any zombies would climb/fall over--and if they did they'd be trapped on the patio and easily dispensed of. The back door leads to a locked/enclosed courtyard which all of the apartments in the building share. Assuming that none of the neighbors have been taken by the desire to gnaw our flesh (which we obviously can't) this is a great way to get onto the roof via the fire escapes, get the lay of the land, throw Molotov cocktails, sharp-shoot (there's also a second-level terrace on the front of the building that would be good for this, assuming zombies don't excel at climbing), take out the trash, and smoke cigars (which there's no reason not to do in a Zombie Apocalypse).

Item: Our apartment is 4-6 blocks (don't quote me on that) from two different grocery stores, a hardware store, and a farmer's market (of limited use a few days after the electricity goes off). If one is brave and well-armed enough to go outside, these are useful sources of supplies and magazines.

Also, there are the Marine Barracks about 12 blocks away which probably have swords and maybe a hummer with the keys in it. If they doesn't have swords then the Marines need to change their advertising.

12 blocks in the other direction is the Library of Congress, which I would LOVE to run around in if it was totally uninhabited, but I would NOT love to be attacked and have my brain eaten by a congressional librarian in the darkened stacks because the irony is too much.

Conclusion: This is definitely the right apartment for the job. D.C. is probably one of the worst cities you could be in during a zombie apocalypse--a lot of people, a lot of traffic jamming the ways out, metros(!), already high panic quotient... ick. But I could totally have this apartment on lockdown and still make snacks.