This dance card is full.

Tim and I have this incredibly boring habit of doing absolutely nothing of any note for weeks and sometimes months at a time, which is why my blog is sometimes an almost stream-of-consciousness receptacle for apologies, meant to placate you because I'm not in France anymore, with appalling things to complain about on a daily basis. That's not to say that I don't have all sorts of things I could complain about--sorry, "Blog" about--(I am in my 20's after all) but they'd probably be about my job and a) that's in very poor taste and b) no one likes to hear someone go on and on about their job. Even though me bitching about--sorry, Blogging--about France was totally fine. Because everyone likes to bitch about the French. Even the French.

Maybe I could write about the crazy things that happen at work except pretend that it's France. Except somehow I think you'd see through my ruse, and I'd still get fired.

Anyway, all of that introduction was to tell you that somehow, the chain has been broken this month and Tim and I have been overwhelmed with interesting things to do. Normally, people who lead interesting lives do things, and then make witty observations about them later. I, however, am a scumbag whose whole life revolves around my job, my refrigerator, and my sleep quota, so if I try to do the whole "report back" thing, you'll never find out about all the awesome things we've got going on.

All of the excitement actually started two(?) weeks ago when Alsn came over for Scrabble and to "watch" the Super Bowl, which might have been interesting if I wasn't prejudiced against it. I was not, on the hand, prejudiced against the three of us eating enough tiny foods for 8 people. That was pretty much all I had hoped for an more except I'm pretty sure one or both of them beat me at Scrabble AGAIN, but I can't recall because the event has been scrubbed from my memory.

The excitement tried to continue the following weekend when Tim and I went bowling with my friend Vijay. I say tried to continue, because we all suck and bowling and also because we got kicked out of the bowling alley after one game and had no choice but to take our drinking elsewhere, where Vijay and I talked about Clutch Group and Rock and Roll for a couple of hours. Tim was either fascinated or in hell, but he kept buying pitchers, so it can't have been too bad for him.

Some of you might be asking "how is this in any way worth blogging about?" to which I respond: "you have no idea how lame Tim and I are. For real." And also, I hadn't seen either of these people in months, so quit judging me.

Anyway, that brings us to today (Thursday), which is the day that Tim and I went to see Avenue Q. If you're not familiar with it, it's a Broadway play along the lines of Sesame Street or The Electric Company, only for grown ups. And by "grown ups" I mean mildly retarded 20- and 30-somethings. It's pretty fantastic, in a lewd, depressingly true-to-life, but still very funny and happy sort of way.

Tomorrow (Friday), we're going to see Jason Mraz and Ben Folds at GW, in what will be my FIFTH time seeing Jason Mraz live. I actually still don't own his newest CD, if you can believe it. Not to sound all Abramy or anything, but I really just liked him better when he was just beginning his career and his music was just the guitar, Toca on the drums, maybe a guy on a flute... But he's still awesome live because there are some things AutoTune will never ruin. Seriously though, even if you hated Jason Mraz the prospect of seeing Ben Folds ought to be enough to make you happy for the rest of your days.

Saturday is Valentines Day, which we don't plan to do much for. I was trying to be cute and do what Tim wanted so I planned to go on a hike and take a picnic. Meanwhile, he was trying to be cute and do what I wanted, so he planned to take me to Coraline. There's only a 50% chance that either of those things will happen. See above references to our laziness.

Sunday is Tim's 25th birthday. (Bells and whistles!) We're having people over for tiny foods and wii or Apples to Apples, and then maybe to go out. YOU ARE ALL INVITED. In fact, I double dog dare you to be there.

Monday is Presidents Day, which we keep treating like it's part of our "weekend of big events" but really it's just a day off from work. But for the sake of this blog let's say, oh... I'm going to take an astronaut training course, bake an apple pie, call everyone on my speed dial, and hire a stock broker.

Next weekend we're going to see Patton Oswalt, again at GW and I. am. so. excited. It you don't know who Patton Oswalt is, he's the voice of Remy from Ratatouille. However, he is also the genius behind this:



The next weekend we're going to Mardi Gras, which means seeing Carly for the first time since she graduated and seeing Jared's new house and going to New Orleans and the best part? NOT SITTING AT MY DESK THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF MARDI GRAS. AGAIN. I love Mardi Gras in a way that no words could ever explain. It started with Mrs. Ginsburg's kindergarten class... I could tell even as a five year old that she would rather have been at Mardi Gras and she LOVED us, but she was totally going to teach us as much about Louisiana as she could get away with. Which involved giving us much king cake, and as many beads as possible. So yes, I will be there.

And that pretty much takes care of February.

Non-Required Reading

As if it isn't awesome enough to take two month off from work and travel around visiting your friends and family, my Leave of Absence (which I'm just going to start calling my LOA--which I'm going to pretend is the Hawaiian word for "Banana Pancakes" except actually I think it means "long," which is also kind of appropriate)... uhhhhh... anyway my LOA gave me triple the time to read whatever I wanted to. It also gave me time to go shopping for books and I came back with something like 12 books in my suitcase, but that's another issue.

So here, in the order in which I read them, are the reviews of the six novels I read while on LOA.

Little Women
By Louisa May Alcott
(Begun in Washington, DC/Finished in Rogers, AR)

What is there to say about Little Women? Reviewing it is a little like trying to review Jane Eyre. Honestly, I picked it because I loved the movie once-upon-a-time and I felt the need for something cute and heart-warming. It's so chock-full of top-notch morality that merely carrying it around should make you feel like a better person--unless of course it makes you feel like a terrible person. The book is long, and every chapter is it's own story, but if you can stand the repeating theme of girls-are-tempted, girls-go-astray, girls-find-their-moral-compass, girls-vow-never-to-go-wrong-again it really is a wonderful book that makes you love (Beth) and hate (Amy) the characters and wonder at their problems and freak out just a little bit at the two major plot twists that just seem so... wrong, for a book that's so right.

Also, Jo's desire to be a man is fascinating.

I would recommend this book to: Kristin, except she's already read it, so that's cheating. So maybe all of my teenage cousins.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
By Junot Diaz
(Begun in Rogers, AR/Finished in Boulder, CO)

This book is sooooo satisfying, especially if you are interested in any of the following: a) anything remotely nerd-core (i.e. comic books, sci-fi novels, films and TV, people who don't lose their virginity until they're old enough to drink), b) Caribbean culture, in particular, the crazy fucked-up history of the Dominican Republic, c) books that make you smarter without trying, and d) references to 80's pop-culture.

On top of having clearly been written by a genius with an encyclopedic brain, the story is wholly original. The dichotomy between the main character and the narrator becomes something like perfection, something like vindication for all those nerds out there, despite how the story unfolds. Really, I think this is a brilliant book.

"In September he headed to Rutgers New Brunswick, his mother gave him a hundred dollars and his first kiss in five years, his tío a box of condoms: Use them all, he said, and then added: On girls. There was the initial euphoria of finding himself alone at college, free of everything, completely on his fucking own, and with it an optimism that here among these thousands of young people he would find someone like him. That, alas, didn't happen. The white kids looked at his black skin and his afro and treated him with inhuman cheeriness. The kids of color, upon hearing him speak and seeing him move his body, shook their heads. You're not Dominican. And he said, over and over again, But I am. Soy Dominicano. Dominicano soy. ... [A]nd before he even realized what happened he had buried himself in what amounted to the college version of what he'd majored in all throughout high school: getting no ass. His happiest moments were genre moments, like when Akira was released (1988). Pretty sad." pp.49-50

I would recommend this book to: Tim, and possibly my former co-worker Vijay who appreciates a certain level of nerd-dom, but also likes P.G. Wodehouse and John Kennedy Toole. Don't get me wrong though, this book is not to be taken too lightly.

American Psycho
By Brett Easton Ellis
(Begun in Boulder/finished in Plano, TX)

Holy. Hell.

This is the first book I've ever read that I've wanted to hide somewhere out of fear that someone might accidentally open it to one of the pages, read a few lines, and literally have to be taken to the hospital from shock.

I should start by saying that the writing is utterly damn brilliant, and that I could not stop thinking or talking about what I read for days. The movie has nothing on the level of psychosis in this book. If it were merely a book about scum-bag, coke-head, Wall street investment assholes in the 80's, and the self-involved restaurant/technology/fashion-centric VOID which this book proposes that they lived in, that would be fascinating on its own. It's a world I had no experience with, set to an incredible 80's soundtrack of Genesis, Huey Lewis and the News, Whitney Houston, U2 and others.

However, it is also a book about a completely deranged, paranoid, delusional, psychotic serial murderer. Maybe.

The problem with warning you about this book is that no matter how emphatically I tell you how completely and utterly disturbing it is, how sickened you will be by the worst of its scenes, there is a chance that that will only make you more curious about reading it. But the thing is, I'm not kidding when I say that the nightmares this book gave me made me wake up crying, frantic, and in a panic. The images it puts in your mind are indelible. You can't scrub them out. The first third of the book seems pretty harmless, maybe even a little repetitive or boring. But once the crazy comes out, he doesn't go back in--and you will begin to look at the chapter titles with dread.

Even re-reading my warning, I can't stress it enough. This book is brilliantly written, but it is absolutely the most unspeakably horrifying thing I've ever read.

I would recommend this book to: No one, because if I recommend it to you and you're horribly offended I look like an asshole. Also, if I recommend it to you that somehow implies that I think you'll enjoy reading the disgusting things inside of it, which makes YOU look like an asshole. But if you read it on your own, PLEASE CALL ME. Because I'm dying to talk about it.

Good Omens
By Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman
(Begun in Plano/Finished in Crawford, CO)

This book had the difficult task of following American Psycho. The intro to the book toots its own horn for 15 pages about how it has this huge cult following and everyone loves it so much, which totally surprised me because I'd heard of it kind of, but never really cared until Jason bought a copy when I was staying with him and Kristin.

It's the story of the coming apocalypse and an angel and demon who decide that they rather like the earth and would rather not have it some to an end. It's a very British book with lots of phrases that I had to read three times, and was relieved to find out that Jason had to read three times too because I really thought maybe I was just getting dumber. All in all, I enjoyed reading it and wouldn't throw it at the wall or anything, but I'm not going to become one of those supposed people they mention in the introduction who carry it around until it's tattered and unrecognizable and buys a copy for all of my friends. I'm pretty sure my mom read the whole thing in about four hours, which means it's no Paradise Lost.

I would recommend this book to: Anyone who just read American Psycho and wants something brain-melting. Or anyone taking a long-ish flight.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
By Betty Smith
(Begun in Crawford/Finished in DC)

This is an example of how much I loved this book: The copy I bought was on sale for $6 and when I got to page 40-something, I realized that was because every fourth page was printed completely out of order for 60 PAGES IN A ROW. Nevertheless, I read through this misprinted section, flipping back and forth, and trying not to freak out when I forgot about the misprints and accidentally found out that so-and-so had a baby or died or whatever, two pages too early.

When I bought this book, the man behind the counter said "I haven't seen a copy of this in such good condition in a long time"; and unlike the cheesy praise at the beginning of Good Omens, I think that was a very apt complement for this book. It's a beloved classic amongst day-dreamy little girls and after reading it, I'm frankly shocked that I didn't read and re-read it when I was younger. Not that you need to be young to read it, because it's sort of timeless even though it's very much a book about a very specific time and place in American culture.

Besides being another book that makes you smarter without trying (I had no idea that people used to dress up in costumes on Thanksgiving!), the characters it creates are incredibly real. At one point, I wanted to know what happened to one character so badly I actually thought, "I need to look him up on Wikipedia" and then realized, holy crap, this is not real. It doesn't matter that it's not real though, it's the best kind of fiction because it feels real.

I would recommend this book to: My Mom, Kacie and Jessica D. because if you didn't read this when you were pre-teens, it will make you feel the way you used to feel reading books and investing yourself in them with all your crazy passions out of whack and the whole world singing.

The Pleasure of My Company
By Steve Martin
(Begun in Boulder/finished in DC)

Another book about a crazy person. But this one is wholly lovable.

This is a fantastically short and funny novella about finding love when you're OCD. That's really all there is to it.

So far, this is my favorite book by Steve Martin, probably because I think it's his funniest, and also probably because I like people who have weird obsessions, secret genius abilities, and do impulsive things like enter essay-writing contests, join Mensa, drug their neighbors, and appear on crime reenactment shows as themselves.

Really, that really is all there is to it.

I would recommend this book to: Again, Kacie, because it's short and broken up into very short little sections and she's in Grad School and would feel gratified by finishing a bit of non-required reading. And also Jared because he likes crazy people too.