Sunday, January 25, 2009
Change is Awesome
I spent my whole first year at Centenary taking FYE, a course that taught how to deal with change and uncertainty gracefully. During that time, all of us were required to read a book put together by Centenary's staff called Negotiating Uncertainty. Everyone hated it. Some people even burned their copies after finals. The other day on the metro I saw a girl carrying a bag that said "CHANGE IS AWESOME" and I wondered how, in the past year, this phenomenon has come about, because CHANGE has always been something people seemed to struggle with.
This is how I know I'm not in college anymore: I got up Saturday morning, my precious Saturday morning, while Tim was still asleep, and I re-read almost all of of Negotiating Uncertainty. Luckily for me, Dr. Shelburn pulled out a perfect quotation from Charles S. Peirce that describes--I feel--a lot of what we've gone through in the past eight years.
"The person who confesses that there is such a thing as truth, which is distinguished from falsehood simply by this, that if acted on it should, on full consideration, carry us to the point we aim at and not astray, and then, though convinced of this, dares not know the truth and seeks to avoid it, is in a sorry state of mind indeed." Charles S. Peirce
I don't think it was intentional. If there's anything I re-learned from re-reading Negotiating Uncertainty, which I now think everyone in America should be required to do, it's that people behave the way they do because they're not equipped to cope with all they're forced to deal with.
We vote for people because we believe that they're capable of dealing with things that we ourselves are not capable of dealing with, and that they will represent our best interests. I think the reason that Barack Obama and the idea of CHANGE holds so much appeal is not just because he appears so utterly capable, so profoundly well-equipped to handle a changing world, and not only because he represents a change from the "old" way of thinking, but because for the past eight years, we've had leaders who refuse to acknowledge CHANGE at all--and Obama so obviously embraces it.
We've had people in power who are convinced that truth will lead to us to the point aim at, but are not ready to find out the truth if the truth means accepting that things have changed.
Things have changed.
And in many ways I'm glad to say that they have, but it makes me sad to see that we haven't dealt with change or uncertainly gracefully, and it's gotten us into a dreadful mess. That, I suppose, is why HOPE is also awesome, in the truest sense of the word "awesome." It's a wonderful thing to see HOPE and CHANGE together in the same time and place. Sometimes I think I can't possibly love this country any more than I already do, and then its people amaze me even more.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Now if I could just wear sneakers...
Shocker. I made it through my first week back at work. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it so much that I cried. A lot. But upon getting back there are actually just about as many pros as there are cons (accepting the fact that I just have to be a grown up and come back and pay bills and have a job. Period. Which is never as good as being free.).
Here they are, the pros and cons:
Cons:
1. When I left I had two requests: send me a copy of the holiday card (which I spent ridiculously long hours working on and never got to see a finished version of) and water my plants every once in while. Neither of these took place. In fact my plants were the only plants in the office that looked like someone had intentionally tried to kill them. And I thought it was shitty that no one could take five seconds to be thoughtful and send me that card--seriously. Jana would have done it, but it wasn't her responsibility and I know she was swamped as it is. :/
2. My desk got totally downgraded. Before I left I spent two months trying to figure out how to fit eleven people in to four rooms by "department" and I finally worked it out. I spent my whole last day moving desks around and in fact, had to WORK on the first day of my vacation because of it. When I got back *I* was the only one who got moved. Two people had been sharing my desk while I was gone and the week before I got back they threw all my stuff on a smaller desk in a dark corner with no window, no trash can, my dead plants, all my stuff in heaps, other people's stuff all over the desk... I'm pretty sure that when you get promoted you're supposed to get a bigger desk and a better office. Not the other way around.
3. Also before I left, I orchestrated a major whole-office clean up, because we have too many people in not enough space. When I walked in, the office was filthy. The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes, and the table covered with a mish-mash of supplies. The coffee maker had coffee and grounds in it from god-knows-when. Unopened and half-opened boxes of supplies lay all over the office, in every room and trash was scattered all over the floor. The problem is, it still is filthy, because I can't clean up after everyone by myself and I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. Yesterday I gave in and washed all the dishes and it was exactly like living in the dorms all over again. I. Am. So. Appalled.
4. I just need a window. Period. I hate sitting in that dark corner. Jana was nice enough to give me her lamp, but if you know me, you know how much I depend on sunlight.
Pros:
1. Leaving was like setting the reset button. If I hadn't left, I know for sure that I'd still be stuck with all of the administrative responsibilities that I was in charge of before and that shouldn't be part of my marketing job. There's nothing like having to fix the phones when you're supposed to be sending 1000 event invitations out to clients 3 days ago.
2. I love my new office mates. Joe cusses like a sailor and drinks Grey Goose at his desk on Fridays. Pam is equally hilarious, but without the cussing and she just doesn't come to work at all on Fridays. They both talk to their emails out loud. On our second day they told me they intentionally tried to get me in that office because I "have manners" and then they tried to convert me to Judaism.
3. God I'm glad my raise finally kicked in.
4. I do like my work more. It's only the first week, so I know that more frustrating projects will come and things will happen that I won't like. But for right now, I'm liking things. I answer to a new VP of Marketing who is in the New York office and I like his temperament and style. Overall, I get the impression that Marketing is being taken much more seriously and that I won't have to fight to get the materials and the support that I need to get my job done.
So the overall verdict is that it's a draw. I'm doing ok.
Also, I lost almost 20 pounds since I left for my vacation. I didn't even do anything. The jeans that Kristin and I spent like, four days shopping for are now too big for me. What the hell? I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, what the hell?
Here they are, the pros and cons:
Cons:
1. When I left I had two requests: send me a copy of the holiday card (which I spent ridiculously long hours working on and never got to see a finished version of) and water my plants every once in while. Neither of these took place. In fact my plants were the only plants in the office that looked like someone had intentionally tried to kill them. And I thought it was shitty that no one could take five seconds to be thoughtful and send me that card--seriously. Jana would have done it, but it wasn't her responsibility and I know she was swamped as it is. :/
2. My desk got totally downgraded. Before I left I spent two months trying to figure out how to fit eleven people in to four rooms by "department" and I finally worked it out. I spent my whole last day moving desks around and in fact, had to WORK on the first day of my vacation because of it. When I got back *I* was the only one who got moved. Two people had been sharing my desk while I was gone and the week before I got back they threw all my stuff on a smaller desk in a dark corner with no window, no trash can, my dead plants, all my stuff in heaps, other people's stuff all over the desk... I'm pretty sure that when you get promoted you're supposed to get a bigger desk and a better office. Not the other way around.
3. Also before I left, I orchestrated a major whole-office clean up, because we have too many people in not enough space. When I walked in, the office was filthy. The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes, and the table covered with a mish-mash of supplies. The coffee maker had coffee and grounds in it from god-knows-when. Unopened and half-opened boxes of supplies lay all over the office, in every room and trash was scattered all over the floor. The problem is, it still is filthy, because I can't clean up after everyone by myself and I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. Yesterday I gave in and washed all the dishes and it was exactly like living in the dorms all over again. I. Am. So. Appalled.
4. I just need a window. Period. I hate sitting in that dark corner. Jana was nice enough to give me her lamp, but if you know me, you know how much I depend on sunlight.
Pros:
1. Leaving was like setting the reset button. If I hadn't left, I know for sure that I'd still be stuck with all of the administrative responsibilities that I was in charge of before and that shouldn't be part of my marketing job. There's nothing like having to fix the phones when you're supposed to be sending 1000 event invitations out to clients 3 days ago.
2. I love my new office mates. Joe cusses like a sailor and drinks Grey Goose at his desk on Fridays. Pam is equally hilarious, but without the cussing and she just doesn't come to work at all on Fridays. They both talk to their emails out loud. On our second day they told me they intentionally tried to get me in that office because I "have manners" and then they tried to convert me to Judaism.
3. God I'm glad my raise finally kicked in.
4. I do like my work more. It's only the first week, so I know that more frustrating projects will come and things will happen that I won't like. But for right now, I'm liking things. I answer to a new VP of Marketing who is in the New York office and I like his temperament and style. Overall, I get the impression that Marketing is being taken much more seriously and that I won't have to fight to get the materials and the support that I need to get my job done.
So the overall verdict is that it's a draw. I'm doing ok.
Also, I lost almost 20 pounds since I left for my vacation. I didn't even do anything. The jeans that Kristin and I spent like, four days shopping for are now too big for me. What the hell? I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, what the hell?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
National Lampoon's Extended Vacation
The weirdest thing about being back in my apartment is that I can't remember where anything is. You would think, since I'm the one who put them there, and since I've lived here for over a year, and since this is a one bedroom apartment, I would be able to find the potholders. But no.
In case anyone was worried that my two month vacation might suck, put your fears to rest. It was awesome. So awesome in fact that it has apparently wiped everything domestic out of my brain. Because I remember where all the fun things in my apartment are, like my most comfortable t-shirts, my bubble bath, and the wii remotes, but I can't remember where anything in the kitchen goes. Oops.
So, there were no bad parts to this trip. I'm so glad I went. It was exactly as productive as I had hoped in the graduate school application department, because as it turns out I am S-P-O-I-L-E-D for wireless internet and basically can't function without it. I did really well on my applications at Jason and Kristin's house because, well, they're like me. I've never really realized how totally helpless and completely CRANKY I am without 24-7 internet access on my laptop in any room of the house. I'm accustomed to being able to look something up whenever I want to, and I'm accustomed to being able to spend long, leisurely hours, HOURS, on the internet doing whatever. I'm not saying I want the internet present in my face at all times (Hello? Tim? iPhone. WIKIPEDIA WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING? AHEM.), I'm just saying I want it when I want it. And not having it made it sooooooooo hard to find the inspiration to work on my applications, when I could have been hanging out with my friends and family instead.
Anyway, I can't believe how long ago I left. I lived with Jason and Kristin for like two whole weeks a month and a half ago and found that basically, their lives are just like me and Tim's lives, only with more dogs, a way better house, and much more Steph/Mikey face time, obviously. Oh, and Kristin has a way cooler job than I do--I still find it ironic that she works at a sweet-ass museum and she lives in rural Arkansas and I DO NOT work at a sweet-ass museum when I live in the sweet-ass museum capital of the country. My jealousy is palpable.
Also, they have vehicles, which makes me envy them.
Honestly, if you're going to pick between coming to visit us and going to visit them... for my sake I say come visit me. But really, go visit them. Beside being the difference between sleeping on the blue couch and sleeping in a real, actual bed in a bedroom with a door, and waking up to cute baby foxes outside or waking up to sirens and homeless people yelling at eachother, Fayetteville etc. is all cute and fun and campingy and DC is just loud and expensive. Besides, Kristin makes these S'mores in the oven that are ridiculous.
After Arkansas, I went to Boulder and stayed at my Dad's house for about three weeks. My Parents bought that house when I was two... the train still goes by, blowing it's whistle early early in the morning, when it snows the whole house is warm but the window in my bedroom is cold... it's just really familiar. I got to the point at the end of the three weeks where I thought "I could stay here, this is just fine." Nevermind that I'm 25 and have responsibilities and no one ASKED me if I wanted to stay there... but still.
I got to see my friend Eben while I was there. This is no small feat. Eben and I have been friends for a long time, we walked together at our high school graduation. We've kept in touch for the past seven years, talking on the phone and always planning to meet up but never quite making it. With some people, I think this is intentional, a way to keep friends without having to see them and realize you have nothing in common. But that's not the case here, I hadn't actually seen his face since 2001 but every time we talked you wouldn't know it. He dated someone for five years and I never met her--this strikes me as completely amazing and ridiculous.
Anyway, we finally got to hang out and we went like gangbusters, nevermind that the last time I saw him I wasn't old enough to buy cigarettes. It's funny how there are some people like that in life. Thank god for them.
I hope that my Centenary friends stay that way. Obviously, not all of them will because there are already people you see and you go "Jesus, do I know you?" but I suppose that ones that matter... Like 96% of the ones that mattered were at Abram and Jessica's wedding in Shreveport, which was the next step on the Voyage Royale. Poor Tim was sick as a dog and completely lost his voice, which I think everyone chalked up drunken yelling in the bar but really was just from being sick, which is way worse. The whole weekend was like one giant reunion which was awesomely Abram-and-Jessica-Centered but also sadly Abram-and-Jessica-Lacking because they were so busy, but that's how weddings usually are. Also I think I have a "celebrity" complex that makes me automatically stay away from people who are supposed to be the center of attention because I don't want to be a pest. So, here's a note, if you're reading this and you're getting married um, ever, and I ignore you at your wedding it's not because I'm being aloof, it because I'm trying not monopolize. Secretly, I want to bother you a lot.
Anyway, it was spectacular to see everyone and as usual I cried in the car on the way into Shreveport from happiness and I cried in the car as we left because I didn't want to leave. Who knew that Shreveport of all places would do that?
Sadly, there's not too much to report about the time I got to spend in Plano because I was trying to work on applications and Tim was writing reams upon reams of papers. This is particularly depressing, because I feel like like I'm always wishing we could just go to Plano for the weekend like we used to do in College. It's not like we did it that often, but it was always so nice to just pack up and go see Tim's family for the weekend. We got a little dose of that, but mostly we just spent a lot of time in the Richardson library. I think I saw both sets of his grandparents about 1.5 times.
Of course, all of his papers were due the day before I left, so since I left for Crawford he's been free to do all sorts of things. :) That's how it goes.
Crawford was the last leg of my trip. If I could finish my education and find a decent job there, I would move back to Crawford in a heartbeat. I miss it so much. I don't know how to make that happen yet, but I'm working on it. It's usually really good for me to be there, but this time I caught some sort of horrid nasty virus that turned into bronchitis and I still can't stop coughing. Mom and I both spent all of Christmas day and most of the week thereafter laying on the couch coughing and moaning.
On the bright side, the snow was deep and for most of the trip it snowed so hard I couldn't see across the road. I got to play with my dogs again, which I love more than just about anything, even though Dixie is fat like a tick and Buster... well, actually Buster is perfect. I got to decorate a real christmas tree that had been cut down in the real woods by real people. And I caught a pinapple on fire. Well... my mom and I made this pineapple flambé thing for dessert at my grandparents' house and only moderately caught the table on fire, unlike last time when they ACTUALLY caught the table on fire.
And I obviously knew before I left that I wanted to get out of DC, or I wouldn't have wanted to take a two-month, unpaid leave of absense. But now I am more positive than ever--even if living somewhere else meant having bronchitis for the rest of my life, or working at a coffee shop, or having to (GASP) get a driver's license, or oh... I don't know... at least it wouldn't be here. Lord help me, I'm going to be paying the bill from this trip forever, but I'm glad I went.
In case anyone was worried that my two month vacation might suck, put your fears to rest. It was awesome. So awesome in fact that it has apparently wiped everything domestic out of my brain. Because I remember where all the fun things in my apartment are, like my most comfortable t-shirts, my bubble bath, and the wii remotes, but I can't remember where anything in the kitchen goes. Oops.
So, there were no bad parts to this trip. I'm so glad I went. It was exactly as productive as I had hoped in the graduate school application department, because as it turns out I am S-P-O-I-L-E-D for wireless internet and basically can't function without it. I did really well on my applications at Jason and Kristin's house because, well, they're like me. I've never really realized how totally helpless and completely CRANKY I am without 24-7 internet access on my laptop in any room of the house. I'm accustomed to being able to look something up whenever I want to, and I'm accustomed to being able to spend long, leisurely hours, HOURS, on the internet doing whatever. I'm not saying I want the internet present in my face at all times (Hello? Tim? iPhone. WIKIPEDIA WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING? AHEM.), I'm just saying I want it when I want it. And not having it made it sooooooooo hard to find the inspiration to work on my applications, when I could have been hanging out with my friends and family instead.
Anyway, I can't believe how long ago I left. I lived with Jason and Kristin for like two whole weeks a month and a half ago and found that basically, their lives are just like me and Tim's lives, only with more dogs, a way better house, and much more Steph/Mikey face time, obviously. Oh, and Kristin has a way cooler job than I do--I still find it ironic that she works at a sweet-ass museum and she lives in rural Arkansas and I DO NOT work at a sweet-ass museum when I live in the sweet-ass museum capital of the country. My jealousy is palpable.
Also, they have vehicles, which makes me envy them.
Honestly, if you're going to pick between coming to visit us and going to visit them... for my sake I say come visit me. But really, go visit them. Beside being the difference between sleeping on the blue couch and sleeping in a real, actual bed in a bedroom with a door, and waking up to cute baby foxes outside or waking up to sirens and homeless people yelling at eachother, Fayetteville etc. is all cute and fun and campingy and DC is just loud and expensive. Besides, Kristin makes these S'mores in the oven that are ridiculous.
After Arkansas, I went to Boulder and stayed at my Dad's house for about three weeks. My Parents bought that house when I was two... the train still goes by, blowing it's whistle early early in the morning, when it snows the whole house is warm but the window in my bedroom is cold... it's just really familiar. I got to the point at the end of the three weeks where I thought "I could stay here, this is just fine." Nevermind that I'm 25 and have responsibilities and no one ASKED me if I wanted to stay there... but still.
I got to see my friend Eben while I was there. This is no small feat. Eben and I have been friends for a long time, we walked together at our high school graduation. We've kept in touch for the past seven years, talking on the phone and always planning to meet up but never quite making it. With some people, I think this is intentional, a way to keep friends without having to see them and realize you have nothing in common. But that's not the case here, I hadn't actually seen his face since 2001 but every time we talked you wouldn't know it. He dated someone for five years and I never met her--this strikes me as completely amazing and ridiculous.
Anyway, we finally got to hang out and we went like gangbusters, nevermind that the last time I saw him I wasn't old enough to buy cigarettes. It's funny how there are some people like that in life. Thank god for them.
I hope that my Centenary friends stay that way. Obviously, not all of them will because there are already people you see and you go "Jesus, do I know you?" but I suppose that ones that matter... Like 96% of the ones that mattered were at Abram and Jessica's wedding in Shreveport, which was the next step on the Voyage Royale. Poor Tim was sick as a dog and completely lost his voice, which I think everyone chalked up drunken yelling in the bar but really was just from being sick, which is way worse. The whole weekend was like one giant reunion which was awesomely Abram-and-Jessica-Centered but also sadly Abram-and-Jessica-Lacking because they were so busy, but that's how weddings usually are. Also I think I have a "celebrity" complex that makes me automatically stay away from people who are supposed to be the center of attention because I don't want to be a pest. So, here's a note, if you're reading this and you're getting married um, ever, and I ignore you at your wedding it's not because I'm being aloof, it because I'm trying not monopolize. Secretly, I want to bother you a lot.
Anyway, it was spectacular to see everyone and as usual I cried in the car on the way into Shreveport from happiness and I cried in the car as we left because I didn't want to leave. Who knew that Shreveport of all places would do that?
Sadly, there's not too much to report about the time I got to spend in Plano because I was trying to work on applications and Tim was writing reams upon reams of papers. This is particularly depressing, because I feel like like I'm always wishing we could just go to Plano for the weekend like we used to do in College. It's not like we did it that often, but it was always so nice to just pack up and go see Tim's family for the weekend. We got a little dose of that, but mostly we just spent a lot of time in the Richardson library. I think I saw both sets of his grandparents about 1.5 times.
Of course, all of his papers were due the day before I left, so since I left for Crawford he's been free to do all sorts of things. :) That's how it goes.
Crawford was the last leg of my trip. If I could finish my education and find a decent job there, I would move back to Crawford in a heartbeat. I miss it so much. I don't know how to make that happen yet, but I'm working on it. It's usually really good for me to be there, but this time I caught some sort of horrid nasty virus that turned into bronchitis and I still can't stop coughing. Mom and I both spent all of Christmas day and most of the week thereafter laying on the couch coughing and moaning.
On the bright side, the snow was deep and for most of the trip it snowed so hard I couldn't see across the road. I got to play with my dogs again, which I love more than just about anything, even though Dixie is fat like a tick and Buster... well, actually Buster is perfect. I got to decorate a real christmas tree that had been cut down in the real woods by real people. And I caught a pinapple on fire. Well... my mom and I made this pineapple flambé thing for dessert at my grandparents' house and only moderately caught the table on fire, unlike last time when they ACTUALLY caught the table on fire.
And I obviously knew before I left that I wanted to get out of DC, or I wouldn't have wanted to take a two-month, unpaid leave of absense. But now I am more positive than ever--even if living somewhere else meant having bronchitis for the rest of my life, or working at a coffee shop, or having to (GASP) get a driver's license, or oh... I don't know... at least it wouldn't be here. Lord help me, I'm going to be paying the bill from this trip forever, but I'm glad I went.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)