Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I can't sleep.

And I just spent about a half an hour writing about how the past three months of frustrations with my incredibly stressful job have lead me to this point of insanity.

That post started off well enough. It started off like this:

"I. Can't. Sleep.

And that's ok. It's just not really what I expected at this current point--I should be sleeping like a rag doll. I took the GRE on Thursday, Ok, "took" is not the right word. I "shrugged my way through" the GRE is more appropriate. I got pretty much exactly the score I was expecting on the verbal portion (maybe a little lower than I wanted, but higher than average) and I got WAY higher than necessary on the math, which I may or may not have achieved by solid guesstimation.

I say I shrugged my way through it because I have been so insanely stressed out by my ridiculously insanely stressful job that by comparison, the GRE was a walk in the daisies. Basically, I didn't have any stress left to spare when I got to the testing center. It was sort of nice to not have to go to work for the morning actually. To get to wear jeans... To write a couple of essays... Sit in a quiet room with some strangers... ahhhhhhh... Niiiiiice..."

But then I went a little crazy--for about 9 paragraphs. Frankly, I want to go a little crazy. But I also am at a point where working myself into a froth three days before I get the hell out of dodge won't do me any good. I've done the best I can to prepare everyone for my absence and I wasn't kidding when I said I have a special ring tone when my office calls me called "Horns of Destruction" so I know not to answer unless I'm getting paid.

It's not personal, it's business. The whole reason I'm taking this leave is because when I'm here, my work takes up so much of my life that I'm too mentally and physically exhausted to even contemplate applying for graduate school. I literally have to remove myself from the timezone to get anything done. If that means taking myself out of cellphone range too, so be it. Let the record state that I offered to be on call two days a week, but they didn't want to pay me.

Anyway.

I still can't believe I am such an idiot that I bought my plane ticket for ELECTION day. I spent 45 minutes on hold trying to have it changed, but it would have cost over $900. And I love Obama, but I don't love Obama that much. I just can't believe... if there's one stupid city in America that you want to be in on that night it's this one, and what do I do? I put my self on a plane, where you get no TV, no phones, no internet, NOTHING. OMG. I've been waiting 8 years for this crap to end and I did this to myself.

*sigh*

The outside of the white house looks like a trailer park right now with all of the modular dwellings set up for the media hullabulloo that will be going on in the coming months. And of course they're going to start building stages and whatnot for the inaguration... My office building is on the parade route and inaguration day should be exciting either way. We'll either get it off because we'll be shut down for security reasons, or we'll have a view from the 8th floor window of the whole parade.

That is, if I still have a job when I get back.

I'm filling up the candy dish on my desk as a peace offering before I go. I really wish that going on this leave didn't feel so much like a break up--because I AM coming back ("It's not you, Work, it's me. Wait, maybe it is you."). I tried so hard NOT to leave frustrated, but I guess that's how it goes. I still have to go to work on Monday (grrrrrrrrr), so though I very much doubt that will make me feel better since that's largely the source of my bitterness ( I should be FREE right now!!) maybe a miracle will occur. :)