Books for the Church Social

Look! Reviews for books I read months ago!

The Barbarian Nurseries
By Héctor Tobar

Oh, Héctor Tobar, how I love you. I may have talked about this before, but Héctor Tobar is a columnist for the LA Times and as such, is down and dirty with his subject matter every day. When he writes about the Rodney King riots, for example, I'm inclined to believe him. There's a lot to be said for artistic license, but Tobar takes unfamiliar realities and makes them personal.

Case in point: The Barbarian Nurseries is about a young Mexican housemaid who is cast into a situation well beyond her ability to control. When both adult members of the Torres-Thompson household go missing, Araceli is left with the Torres-Thompson's two small children, no money or food, and no close family or friends to whom she turn. For another maid, this problem might be solved with a few quick phone calls, but Araceli is in the united states illegally.

The tension in this book is turned up to eleven. This is one of those want-to-scream-and-throw-the-book-at-the-wall type of novels. It's a little slow rolling in the beginning, but once the boulder falls off the cliff, so to speak, it's excellent up to the final word. Tobar's novels have a rather bald-faced agenda of making the reader think about things that are important in the world (the great latino diaspora in America is, of course, one of his main concerns), which some people don't like, and that's fine, but at very least he does it so well.

A Brain Wider Than the Sky
By Andrew Levy
(Audio Book)

A book about migraines. This book is part history, part science, and part memoir. As someone with migraines, each part is interesting or valuable in its own way, but mostly just for the feeling of solidarity it gives. From a personal point of view, there were times reading this book where I cried tears of relief simply knowing that I wasn't the only one whose brain is completely haywire. It was a little like going to some sort of support group.

The history portions of the book are probably the most reassuring, both because it's a relief to know that cures for migraines are much more friendly now than they have been in the past (Drilling holes in your skull? Leeches? Why always leeches?), and because so goddamn many famous people have suffered from them. I can't even begin to name all the famous people who suffered from migraines. Nearly every founding father. Essentially, anyone you would consider a genius. I know this is an "all rectangles are squares but not all squares are rectangles" situation, but it does make me feel better, like maybe during my next migraine I'll invent some sort of giant edible hovercraft.

The most potent part of the book, for me, as a reader, is his description of Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland as a migraine episode. The things that happen to Alice are the things that happen to you when you're having a migraine (or taking migraine drugs): your body seems to change size, colors can seem overly bright and vibrant or dark and awful, everything seems funny and nonsensical but you don't want to laugh. You feel, when you stand up, like you're going to fall forever down a rabbit hole that never ends. Carroll had migraines, and this portion, to me, is the perfect culmination of Levy's powers of observation and research.

Jaws
By Peter Benchley

For this, I think I'd prefer to share with you a review from a reader named "Miriam" over at goodreads.com, who rated the book "2-stars":

"I went to the Monterey Bay aquarium for a teachers symposium where they generously gave us a lot of their discarded educational materials and clearance items from the gift shop that hadn't been sold in a long time. Among those items were stacks and stacks of Jaws. They didn't care what we did with them so I took a whole stack and passed them out as prizes at a church social before I had read this book.
What I learned from this book is to never pass out any book at a church social before reading it.
When I found a lost lonely copy on the back of my closet shelf, I decided that I should read this book and to my horror, I found that there is gratuitous sex and coarse language in addition to the gore in the book. "

Apparently, along with those who don't know that the movie was a book first, there are those who don't know (somehow) that the book was a movie (maybe she didn't see the giant shark swimming towards the naked lady on the cover?). We're gonna need a bigger boat.  

I don't mean to make fun of Miriam, her review is pretty accurate really, and I like the story she tells. My review? It was pretty much what you'd expect for a thriller written in the 70's. It's bloody and rather sexist, but vaguely amusing. But it's about sharks, and who wouldn't like that?

Twilight
By Stephanie Meyer

It was $1.99 on my kindle. It was god-awful. I know this isn't true, but it feels as though every single sentence in this entire book starts with the word "I."

As in, "I tried to read Twilight to see what my 14 year-old cousins were freaking out over. I got through the first book. I wanted to kill myself."

Top Five Reasons Why I Can't Stop Watching GHOST WHISPERER

That's right. Jennifer Love Hewitt's crazy train wreck show about a lady who talks to spirits, and which can most often been viewed in syndication on networks like WE and Lady Problems. I'll admit it. I love this show. Here's why:

5. High-level emotional manipulation. Every single episode of the show is the same, and yet two out of three result in me ugly crying over a bag of donuts. Here's what happens: Melinda (J-Love) has some sort of gory but less-than-dangerous encounter with a a ghost who is a attached to a living person somehow. Ghost and person both need help, but they usually don't want it, against their best interest: ignorami. Some vague semblances of an on-going plot occurs. Melinda forces everyone to confront their issues and the ghost walks into the light. My brain explodes like a Lilith Faire next to a Midol factory.

4. D-list cameos. Every bit-part character on every show ever has been on it. Remember Frasier's agent Bebe? DEAD. The youngest daughter, Alex, from Modern Family? DEAD. The coroner, Lanie, from Castle? DEAD. Will Schuester and also Sugar, from Glee? DEAD. Jay Mohr, consummate d-list celebrity? He's a professor of uh, something. Jamie Kennedy and Camryn Manheim have regular spots and they are awesomely bad.

3. PDA. Seriously. This show features the healthiest marriage on television. Melinda and her husband Jim spend all their time making out, drinking wine, and resolving their minor arguments with tickle fights.

"Oh, I'm sorry I was kind of overbearing earlier because I'm so concerned about your well-being and it made you feel stifled, would you like me to run you a bath?"
"Yes, you know I love you for always supporting my need to help dead people reach closure. Let's make out."

Even after Jim dies and his soul enters the body of another person so that he can still be with Melinda (FOR REAL) their relationship is way more healthy than, frankly, um, 90% of all real-life relationships. If I died, I would totally do this for Tim.

2.  Flashbacks. Every so often they "flash back" to when Melinda was a teenager and J-Love dresses up like herself as a teenager, complete with braces and bad, bad hair. It's the perfect combination of sincerity ("I have to help the ghosts, y'all!") and insanity. I mean, look at this jumpsuit, for god's sake.  How can you not love a show where they take a woman with perfect skin and hair and make her look like she auditioned for Blossom and failed.

1. The Screaming. Ohhh the screaming. On at least every other episode, J-Love either "runs over" a ghost with her car, gets attacked by one in the shower, or has her hair pulled down the garbage disposal (FOR REAL). At some point, most people would be like, BITCH PLEASE, especially since nearly all of these incidents turn out to be totally non-threatening. However, I find it completely charming that Melinda still screams about everything, all the time. 

In case you were worried, a drinking game has evolved combining Melinda's frequent screams and her also not-infrequent cleavage shots.

This show is made of win.

Frittata Yo' Mama

I have a smoothie for breakfast almost every day and am usually not bored by it, but I also love fancy breakfast food. Like, I will drink Hollandaise sauce if you let me. On Saturdays, the only day that both Tim and I have off now, I like to make something different. My cast iron skillet ruins scrambled eggs for some reason (I guess it's not seasoned well enough yet?), but it bakes like a dream. Hence: I concocted this delicious frittata this morning.


Tomato and Chèvre Frittata

• 2 tbsp butter or olive oil
• 1/2 cup diced onion
• 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
• 3/4 cup spinach diced
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 8 eggs
• 1/3 cup heavy cream or whole milk (cream is way better)
• 1/2 tsp dried basil or a few sprigs fresh, minced
• Salt
• Pepper
• 2 tbsp fresh goat cheese (Chèvre)

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Scramble eggs, cream, basil, salt, and pepper in a bowl. Set aside.

In a non-stick, oven-safe skillet (cast iron is best) heat oil or butter over medium high heat. Add onions and sauté until translucent. Add tomatoes, spinach, garlic and a pinch of salt. Sauté for about 2 minutes. Spinach will wilt significantly, but you don't want it to become totally mushy. Remove from heat.

Pour eggs into skillet. Crumble/dot top of egg mixture with chunks of chèvre (feel free to use more, or use a different variety of cheese as your fancy takes you).

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Frittata will be puffy when you remove it from the oven and will settle as it rests. Serve hot!

(This would also be delicious with sautéed mushrooms!)

Sorry there are no pictures. We ate it so fast. Even Tim devoured every single tomato, onion and scrap of spinach.

A Horse Called Tub

Alright. It's obviously been much too long.

Here are three book reviews.

The Sisters Brothers
By Patrick deWitt

This book was a finalist for the Man Booker prize, and kept popping up on those "Best books of 2011" or "Best of the Month" type lists, but I was reluctant to read it because, well, it looked like a cheesy, westerny, hit-man novel.  The simple synopsis is sort of lame: two famous hit men, the Sisters brothers embark on what could be their last hit. Involved are: gold, women and bourbon, blah blah blah. The original cover (in red) didn't help--sorry, I judge. I judge a lot.

Then I spied the paperback in the store with the new cover (in blue), succumbed to the pressure, and picked it up and read the first paragraph:

I was sitting outside the Commodore's mansion, waiting for my brother Charlie to come out with news of the job. It was threatening to snow and I was cold and for want of something to do I studied Charlie's new horse, Nimble. My new horse was called Tub. We did not believe in naming horses but they were given to us as partial payment for the last job with the names intact, so that was that. Our unnamed previous horses had been immolated, so it was not as though we did not need these new ones but I felt we should have been given money to purchase horses of our own choosing, horses without histories and habits and names they expected to be addressed by.

This paragraph is a small-scale example of the odd, violent, and somehow wryly humorous cosmos inhabited by the narrator. In my mind, the book played out like a Cohen-brothers film. It's rather like True Grit only more surreal and funnier. Surreal. Funny. Violent. Those are your key words here. And maybe beautiful, because the writing sort of rolls through your mind. Also maybe dream-like. Basically, the moment I put the book down, I wanted to turn back to page one and start reading it all over again, which never happens. I'm not sure what genre this book fits in, only that I love it with all my heart.

I would recommend this book to: I honestly don't know. Someone looking for something different. If you liked The Prestige, you will love this book.

The Shining
By Stephen King

I said I was reading this and my friend Mike said, "Is that why you get a Masters in English? So you can read Stephen King?" Duh.  This is why Stephen King is awesome. His books are generally seen as gory fluff, but he's so frigging smart. There are authors that pop up every once in a while that seem to be able to take everything in like a vacuum: pop culture, psychology, mythology, history, literature, and then synthesize it into a beautiful little package that manipulates the crap out of your emotions.  J.k. Rowling is the master of this. Stephen King is a bajillionaire because of it.

I'm fairly certain that unless you live in a closet you know what The Shining is about. It's worth reading the book because, although Stanley Kubrick's version of the film is good, there are other things going on in the book that got totally lost. I dare you to keep a tally of how many bizarre forms of isolation and possession are going on in this book at the same time... And then get drunk and hang out in your house by yourself for a night.

Bonus: it's fun to read about navigating an airport in 80's. Hahahaha, you just showed up, bought a ticket, got on a plane... and then smoked on the plane? Unbelievable.

I recommend this book to: Anyone who's coming out for the wedding. It will be fun to read it and then stay in a little mountain hotel in the middle of nowhere, right? Same goes for The Stand. You'll really enjoy driving through those tunnels.

Role Models
By John Waters (audio book)

My affinity for John Waters is a little weird. I adore him. I will go to great lengths to hear him speak and I would pretty much stalk him in Baltimore given the chance, but I'm kind of meh about his films. I like them but they don't really blow my skirt up.

That being said, I probably enjoyed this book more than someone who is really into his films because he doesn't talk about them much. Instead, he talks about the people and types of people he admires, as well as art, fashion and books--all in that gloriously subversive way he has. Tennessee Williams gets a chapter, of course, as does Little Richard. There are stellar chapters in the book, and then there were one or two chapters that I was really rather bored by.  The benefit of the audio book is that Waters' voice is so iconic. The downside is that if you find yourself less-than-interested in the outsider porn scene, it's harder to skim through.

Waters' chapters on Leslie Van Houten, of Manson Family fame, and the chapter where he describes what he would require if he were a cult leader are pure gold. They're why I find him endearing. He's both open-minded, accepting and kind, and also outrageous, wicked, and a little insane. He's my role model.


I would recommend this book to: Jared, Blake, and Parham: the three closest things I have to my own personal John Waters.

The Shire

Taking pictures of the cat: it's what I do.

The wedding is exactly two months from today and I am a hobbit.

Ok well, actually I just live in a basement apartment that I pretty much don't come out of unless I have to go to work. My cat and I have tea parties on the floor and pick out wedding decorations and talk about books together. I've started drinking hard apple cider. I'm making a quilt. Fresh air makes me sneeze.

This is what the past month has been like, so it's safe to say that once I stop shaving my legs my transition to full-blown "Hobbit" will be complete.

I have a wedding dress fitting next weekend though, so maybe I should head this off at the pass. Go get a haircut. Put on some shoes. Go for a jog. Design some fireworks in the shape of ships or fight a dragon or something.

Bacon Broccoli Macaroni and Cheese

Yes--I know it's been over a month since I've written. In a very literal sense, my computer and I have not been on speaking terms. The day after Tim and I got back from Texas my hard drive wiped itself out with maniacal efficiency, taking with it all my wedding plans (including my current guest list), my novel*, and all of my organized and edited pictured of Peru. If you never got to see my slideshow of Peru pictures, well, you never will. If you got a save-the-date but for some reason don't get a wedding invitation... please don't feel bad, it's only because my computer saw fit to erase you... you're still invited.

Anyway.

I've been burying my hard drive recovery woes in comfort food.  Last night I made this ridiculously delicious meal.  All of the measurements are guesstimates because I just sort of make these things up. We'll see.

Bacon and Broccoli Mac and Cheese

1 box penne pasta (1lb)
2 small or 1 large head of broccoli, chopped (makes about three cups--use the stems too)
1/2 lb bacon, diced small
1 lg white or yellow onion, diced
2 tsp butter**
1/3 cup flour
2 1/2 cups milk
3 cups grated cheese (I used queso cheese and colby jack, but a sharp cheddar would be good. Really whatever.)
1 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
salt and lots-of-pepper

Bring a lage pot of salted water to a boil for the pasta, and cook pasta one minute less than suggested cooking time.

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees.

Meanwhile, prepare the sauce in a second large pot or dutch oven. Over medium-high heat, cook bacon, stirring frequently, for about five minutes. Add in diced onion and a dash of salt and cook for another five minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are semi-translucent. Add in broccoli and two tablespoons butter and cook for another one or two minutes, tossing so that broccoli is covered with the greases from the pan. (**If your bacon is really greasy you will not need the butter.)

Sprinkle flour over the contents of the pan and toss to coat evenly. You want to be sure that the flour and the grease are mixed together and coat everything evenly.  Cook for another 2 minutes or so.

Slowly pour in milk while stirring and scraping the brown wonderful bits from the bottom of the pan. Bring to a simmer.

Add in cheese (reserving 1/2 cup), Paprika, Worcestershire Sauce, and salt and pepper. Stir until cheese is melted and sauce is smooth. Taste to make sure the seasoning is right.

Drain cooked pasta and fold into cheese/broccoli/bacon sauce.

Transfer mixture to baking dish or leave in dutch oven and top with remaining cheese (or just more cheese, if that floats your boat) and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.

Try it with Sriracha sauce on top. To die for.

*I have a word document of the novel, but my Scrivner file, which contains all my billions of notes, research, and unwritten chapters (don't ask how something can contain something that's unwritten) is lost for now. "I'm not sure the novel is really good enough to start over on," says the quitter. UGH. Ask me in a week.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Mugi: Master of the Sock Drawer

I've officially failed at my "resolution." Which is why I never make any in the first place.  I made it an entire month without buying any books for myself and I finished five of the unread books in my queue in the process.  But I broke down yesterday because I only worked a half day (freedom) and the used bookstore is precariously located between Metro Mutts and Eastern Market (temptation).  I bought:

• Drown, by Junot Diaz (does it matter that I've already read half the stories? NO.)
• Kafka on the Shore, by Haruki Murakami (Peer pressure)
• How Proust Can Change Your Life, by Alain de Botton (Elsa, I was stalking you one day...)
• Ella Minnow Pea, by Mark Dunn (It's true, I've never read this somehow.)

Don't be decieved. He will bite you if you're not petting him
first thing in the morning.

The problem is that today, Tim has left me unattended at the Barnes & Noble. He's taking the Foreign Service test today, which means we made the official life decision to join that elite few... if he gets in. In which case, the fact that I'm buying even more books is doubly troubling because that means I'm going to be like, stuffing paperbacks in my shirt just to get them from country to country.

I've only been alone here for 30 minutes and I've already purchased:

• Her Fearful Symmetry, by Audrey Niffenegger (it was on sale.)
• We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver (Longnutzer, I am SO excited!!! I don't know why I waited this long.)
• and a cup of peppermint tea, which isn't so bad, I guess.

Things have been a little crazy over the past two weeks, between the cleanse, the cat, and the new job. As you can see, I have taken nothing but pictures of the cat for the past two weeks. The cat is fine.

FOR REAL.

Today is day SEVENTEEN of the Clean program. I fell off the wagon one time and had about 1/4 cup of frozen yogurt with berries--it was the first time I'd eaten ANY dairy or refined sugar in two weeks. And ten minutes later I had a headache. Basically my body has gotten really excited about eating nothing but totally healthy food all the time. Which is going to be interesting when the cleanse is over because my brain wants mexican food like nobody's effing business.

Tim, amazingly, is doing much better than I am. He seems to be perfectly happy with two smoothies a day. I, on the other hand, have probably never wanted a Philly cheesesteak so bad in my life. But this is probably based more on my psychological need for things I can't have than anything else. Today I made grilled lamb chops for lunch. Grilled lamb chops for lunch. If you told me I couldn't have a smoothie, I would probably be really whiney and annoying about my sudden desire for one.

My job is also going well. I LOVE meeting a billion doggies everyday.  And if you'll give me ten minutes I'll tell you all about how to pick out the best dog food. Would you like that? I'll bet you would. It's only with the greatest restraint that I'm resisting telling you about it right now.