And now for something completely different...

Today for breakfast (brunch?) I had what can only be described as "messy pile."

Three slices of bacon and two poached eggs on top of fried potatoes, covered in Hollandaise sauce.

(Sweet Molly McGuinty.)

This is somewhat ironic considering that I just started something called The 30 Day Shred. I'm also in the middle of something called Couch-to-5k, which is a running plan intended to get you from being a couch potato (hence, Couch) to running a 5k, in 9 weeks. Aaaaaand, as if that wasn't enough, I've rebooted my yoga practice.

So. So what. In high school I ran and did yoga all the time, because Colorado is beautiful and inspiring and I had a lot of free time and I was a teenager and I could. Bazinga. Since then my attitude is more, "I don't have to work out, so why should I?"

And then while I was working at Clutch, I went to the Doctor one day and he told me I weighed 175 pounds. And the next time I went he said--I'm not kidding or exaggerating--"oh, you're still fat." UGH, kthx.

So. So what. Time to not be fat anymore. So I lost over 30 pounds. But I can't take all the credit because the aforementioned Doctor is a migraine Doctor who put me on brain pills that help regulate my appetite, so now instead of wanting to eat an entire stick of butter, I just want to eat a half of stick of butter. And you can't stop me. But it helps.

And at this point, I'm not doing this because I want Tim to be able to pick me up and carry me around like a man-slave. I'm doing it because in August we're going to spend FOUR DAYS hiking Machu Picchu and I have to carry most of my own gear at high altitude after almost nine years living at sea level and I don't want Tim to end up having to carry me like a Sherpa.

Here is my million-point plan for weight loss:

1. Have terrible migraines; the pills regulate appetite (WARNING: I DO NOT ACTUALLY RECOMMEND THIS AT ALL. I would rather be overweight than be on pills or have another migraine ever.)
2. Quit your stressful job. Stress makes you eat badly and messes with your metabolism.
3. Don't eat lunch "downtown" everyday. Even if you think you're eating at good places, eating out one meal a day is worse for you than you think.
4. Get a wii fit. (Or join a Tai Chi group or whatever) Start something that you will ACTUALLY be motivated to use. I like my WiiFit because after the initial cost, I never have to pay for it again, it monitors my weight and balance every day, and if I don't use it for a few days, it guilt-trips me. I need a good guilt trip sometimes.
5. Keep bowls of candy everywhere. Amazingly, this makes me never want to eat candy. Actually, this is probably a bad idea. Everyone around me eats out of my candy dishes all the time, but having them there makes them somehow less desirable. I don't know.

And finally, set large, non-refundable goals. Like Machu Picchu for instance. If I can't hike it, I'm in HUGE trouble. HUGE. I've considered signing up for the Disney Half-Marathon with Elsa in January, because that trip would involve Harry Potter Land AND I would essentially be running to redeem the registration fee (a very lofty cause, I know). That's all I can say for myself. I feel better and ugh, I hate admit it, but it's a daily thing to pay attention to your body any make sure you're not on the slippery slide to doom. Damnit.

I remember seeing this picture in 2008 and thinking, "oh, that's not good." But everything can get better.