Ever since I was little I've had the exciting task of choosing where to spend the holidays every year. I always said when I was younger that the best thing about having divorced parents (Yes, doubters, there are good things about having divorced parents) was having two of lots of awesome things. Like two cats (12 cats), two bedrooms, two sets of friends, etc. Unfortunately, the shittiest thing about the whole arrangement is the life-long accompanying sense of "holiday guilt."This is the awesome sensation that comes when you know you have two groups of people who want you to be with them, and who love you enough to let you choose where to be, but also enough to be disappointed when you're not there. This means that no matter what you do, you're disappointing someone. And in case you think I have a Rock Star Complex, and am sad that I can't bestow my glorious and benevolent presence on everyone at once, a lot of the time, the person I'm disappointing is myself.
Cheerful, I know.
Wait there's more. Like, fact that I never expected to attach myself to a Texan. What this means is that now, rather than two potential groups of people to disappoint, there is a third, half a country away, and the fact that Tim and I will probably just never get to see each other on Christmas morning because of the long-standing "thanksgiving one slope, Christmas the other slope" principle, which dictates that my holidays are pre-dedicated to one side of the Rockies or the other.
I've always wondered how this delicate "pleasing people" balance would be thrown off if I had a sibling to take off some of the pressure, or if I didn't live so far away from everyone to begin with, or if I talked about politics a lot and loudly so I wasn't such damn good company.
I know other people and families deal with this problem all the time, oh but if only there wasn't so much guilt involved. Some days I wish I could let someone else tell me where to go and when, but then I would be guilty and a ping pong ball. Until someone invents teleportation I suppose I will have to continue my 16 year tradition of doing the best I can with the support and grace of my distant friends and family.
Gifts help. Just sayin'.
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ReplyDeleteI love your tree, and I love you, and I love Tim. And you should never feel guilty. Do you know many Chrismases I spent away from my parents? The trick is, to get all the families together to spend Christmas in one place! Hahahahaha. We'll have to try it sometime. :)
ReplyDeleteOh sure, go out and commit tree murder in the name of the baby Jesus and then tell me to have a merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteWell, don't forget to keep it watered while it slowly dies in the mockingly warm air of your apartment.
Did you get your decorations at Home Depot? I love to go to Home Depot and check out all the lovely wood products. There is nothing quite like the smell of a freshly cut two by four.
Can't wait to see you and I'm glad when you get to spend some time with all of your family.
Uh huh. Uh huh. I see how it is with you two, with your anonymous "it's ok!" and "kill a tree why don't you?" You might be able to fool my friends but you can't fool me. :)
ReplyDeleteThere's only one person I know who can work Home Depot into any converstation.