Being Here.

What is there to say about Uruguay so far?

Surprisingly not much. The shocks of getting accustomed to a new country are sometimes far more mundane than you might expect.  For example, everyone's soap and detergent smells different. And people here love mayonnaise more than most people in the states would consider reasonable, and hence, mayonnaise-based sauces are more popular than any other sauces.  If you've been to Europe, that's not all that shocking, but if you hate mayonnaise as much as Tim does, it requires some patience. (I on the other hand will eat mayo on just about anything and am glad about it.)

The biggest adjustment, by far, has been our living situation.  I don't like to complain but I also don't want to sugar-coat things. When we went to Panama, we raved and raved about it because we lived in a beautiful apartment in a great location, in a park, with a view of the Panama Canal.  We very literally had nothing to complain about.  This time we haven't been so lucky.

Montevideo's economy is, apparently, booming, and the housing market is, apparently, slim.  When Tim arrived he was temporarily placed in a hotel until better accommodations could be found.  I would agree that what we've got are "accommodations" though I'm not sure about the word "better."  Our apartment does have a nice little sun porch that, for a good part of the day is sunny and warm and has a view of the beach on the Rio de la Plata--the wide river that separates Uruguay and Argentina and eventually runs into the ocean.

Otherwise... the apartment has just enough quirks and inconveniences to drive a person quickly and dramatically insane.  But I don't really want to talk about it because a.) Tim had an adventure even trying to get us into this ridiculous place and b.) I'll admit it, it makes me homesick.

Although going on rotation with Tim means that I will eventually travel and have adventures (like seeing the Uruguayan trash-mules) it also mostly means that I sit around in the apartment a lot, planning the wedding, etc, which was the plan, but which is a lot more depressing as a prospect when the apartment is not a very homey place.

So. Uruguay so far has been two interesting meals: a three-hour one at a very expensive and fancy restaurant with iPad menus and no other customers (but delicious duck, oh yes), and one (unintentionally) in a restaurant where Anthony Bourdain ate. This is a few blocks from our apartment and we were hungry and wandered in. Another American was there and helped us order and told us what we were in for, which was this:

Beyond that it's just trying to deal with our not-so-great living arrangements and the shock of jumping from summer to winter all at once. Deep breaths. Cowboy up.

The new math.

I mentioned on Facebook a while back that my goal for this year was to read 52 books this year.  According to Shelfari, this week I met my goal. Since lists are always fun, it's below. However, I've crossed out the ones that I don't think really count, leaving me with a total of 46 books so far this year--which is still ridiculous by anyone's count.

Note how the three main subjects are the obviously related... boxing, African-American women, and hard-boiled crime. Yay, Grad School!

Also as you can see, a book review is forthcoming.

• 1: How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe
• 2: China Boy
• 3: Passing
• 4: Pound for Pound: A Novel
• 5: The Want Bone (American Poetry Series)
• 6: The Original Johnson Volume 1
• 7: Film/Genre  (A stupid theory book)
• 8: Their Eyes Were Watching God
• 9: The Contender
• 10: The Game
• 11: The Street (I read this, but I didn't really... uh... pay attention)
• 12: A Raisin in the Sun
• 13: West of Everything: The Inner Life of Westerns
• 14: Sugartown
• 15: Meridian
• 16: Sparkle  (A kindle single)
• 17: Zami
• 18: The Hunger Games
• 19: Catching Fire
• 20: For Colored Girls who have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow is Enuf
• 21: Dessa Rose: A Novel
• 22: Jazz
• 23: Mockingjay
• 24: Mama Day
• 25: The Cambridge Companion to African American Women's Literature (Another theory book)
• 26: The Norton Anthology of Modern and Contemporary Poetry, Third Edition  (Oh poetry anthologies)
• 27: 1984
• 28: Shane : The Critical Edition
• 29: Packing for Mars
• 30: Bossypants
• 31: The Loved One
• 32: The Hobbit
• 33: The Hound of the Baskervilles
• 34: The Invention of Hugo Cabret
• 35: Jesus Is My Gardener  (A kindle single)
• 36: The Dead Man: Face of Evil (Volume 1)
• 37: The Great Gatsby
• 38: The Murder of Roger Ackroyd
• 39: The Maltese Falcon
• 40: The Big Sleep
• 41: Black Money
• 42: Cotton Comes to Harlem
• 43: Early Autumn
• 44: "A" Is for Alibi
• 45: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
• 46: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
• 47: The Help
• 48: The Pogo party
• 49: Rats
• 50: Carrie
• 51: The Daughter of Time
• 52: Matterhorn

Over the rails...

Colorado has lots of roads with sheer drop offs into total oblivion on one side.

About three weeks ago I had this very vivid dream that we were driving along at night (I don't remember who the other person in the car was) and we suddenly plunged over the edge. The car plowed right through the guard rail and over the side. I remember the feeling of being suspended in the air, of being completely aware of that liminal moment: the moment between being firmly on the ground and the impact. I felt my stomach drop and I also felt suspended. I grabbed the hand of whoever it was that was in the car, and I woke up panting and incredibly freaked out.

And also not dead.

Is this an elaborate metaphor for being done with school and plunging head-long into the next year with no job, traveling to a foreign country and planning a wedding and answering the question, "what do you do?" with, "read?"

Nooooo.
Well, maybe.

I just got back from my trip to Colorado, where I attended my super-fun and totally non-stereotypical ten-year high school reunion. My primary objective was to see people that I missed and my secondary objective was to prove to Tim that my high school actually WAS fun and I'm really not making that up. Both objectives were accomplished and I'm so proud of those class members who showed up.  Those who didn't missed out. More than anything they missed out on the pleasure of my company and of seeing me and Trina run around in swim suits and make fun of each other.

They also missed the opportunity to ride in Tim's rented Ford Mustang convertible while we blasted 90's music at full volume.  Not that we actually gave anybody rides, but we would have if they'd asked.

I'm really not sure if our generation is at all interested in reunions because Facebook makes us think we're in touch, but it's a lie. Seeing people face-to-face, sitting around a bonfire or even at the crappy local bar, is worth the effort.

I also got to be a timer, with my mom, at the Demolition Derby at the Delta County Fair, and Tim I decided 100% for sure and for true that we're going to have the wedding in the orchard at my grandparents' ranch on June 16, 2012.  Those two things are entirely unrelated, but I wanted to make that sentence as exciting as possible.

In Boulder I got my Ukulele. Ukulele!  It was just as much a graduation present to myself as an excuse to go to the music store with my dad, who is the same way with guitars as he is with old cars: "I had one of these that I sold to Arnold Gibson in 1973, and this is just like one of mine but mine is more white colored, and I had one of these but mine was..." Trying to record him is like trying to record the illusive bigfoot because he'll play 15 second of a song and then walk off to a different instrument and start playing another song and he knows about 100,000 songs by heart. Anyway, I recommend it sometime.

That's all. I just finished a 600-page book and I leave for Uruguay on Wednesday. I have to figure out what books to take. Annnd, if you have an e-reader and you're bored, Harper Perennial is offering 20 e-books for 99 cents apiece, including Celebrity Chekhov, which Kacie sent me and I'm excited to read. (If you can't follow the link or don't have facebook, just search Amazon Kindle or Google Books for Celebrity Chekhov and look at "related titles" to find the rest.)

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland Ballet Cupcakes

I'm stuck at home for the second day in a row with a migraine. Yesterday it was so bad that I spent a large part of the day just laying on the floor. There should be a second clause in that sentence, like, "laying on the floor... reading a book" or "laying on the floor... thinking of recipes." But what no one tells you is that above all, maybe even more than being wretchedly painful, migraines are unbelievably boring. The pain keeps you from doing anything: reading (no concentration), watching TV (too bright and loud), eating (too nauseated), even sleeping, SLEEPING! all of those things are out of the question.

Today is a little bit better--obviously, I'm blogging--but there are still a lot of other things I'd rather be doing. I would actually rather be at work right now than spending another minute laying on the floor with a pillow over my head. Oh, there it is, I found my other clause! "...With a pillow over my head."

Anyway: I got on here to write a couple of book reviews, and I think, for the first time ever, a movie review! I can't promise that the products of my fever-adled brain will be worth reading, but I have to do something besides stare at the insides of my eyelids.

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

By Patton Oswalt

It makes me sad that most people only know Patton Oswalt as the voice of Remy from Ratatouille or that second-string character from King of Queens (yeah, that). He deserves more recognition if not just because he's disgustingly, crushingly funny, and might be the only person in L.A. who is a genuinely nice person, then because he also speaks to the inner core of my nerd soul. I don't want to say that this book is for book-nerds and sci-fi dorks and people who are still teenagers inside--but I have no real proof that it's not. Its best chapters are the ones that firmly grip this demographic and don't let go.  He mentions Richard Brautigan on the first page. He has a transcendent experience while reading The Man in the High Castle and listening to R.E.M. He asks, which are you? A Zombie, a Spaceship, or a Wasteland? If you don't already have some tiny idea or are not the least bit curious this is probably not the book for you.

In case you wondered, I'm a wasteland. I chose to live in a town with 300 people (can I go back?) and my favorite types of books and movies are ones like The Stand and Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome where there are no people and we just start over.

I would recommend this book to: Kacie, and fans of Harlan Ellison.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

By Ransom Riggs

By all means, judge this book by its cover.  If ever a book made a case for the existence of a physical book as an artifact, this one does.  The hard cover edition of this book is beautiful, and it is filled with beautiful black and white photos that are an essential part of the story.

Many contemporary novels are carried away by detailed descriptions of characters without a lot of plot--which has its time and place but can be tiring.  It seems like you've got to go to the YA section to find a novel that has both.  Harry Potter, The Hunger Games... if an "adult" novel has a plot, it gets filed under "genre fiction." But that is neither here nor there. This book has both interesting--though maybe not the deepest--characters and a swift-moving plot. The writing style won't necessarily win any awards, but what it lacks in poetry, it makes up in being entertaining and full-bodied. The author creates a rich and believable alternate world that you just fall into. It's a satisfying book.

I would recommend this book to: Jessica R. and definitely, definitely Amber, and you'll know why once you read it.

The Red Shoes (1948)

Dir. Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger

I hadn't heard of this film until about three weeks ago, when it just started popping up everywhere. It was mentioned in two books I read, on a film app I have and on a website I'm into. Fate.

Have you ever been to a real ballet? I haven't been since I saw The Nutcracker when I was about ten. Did you see Black Swan? Of course you did, that shit was crazy.

This film is an obvious precursor to Black Swan--not just because of the ballet but because of its strange psychological tension--but unlike Black Swan it does a better job of balancing darkness and light. It clearly influenced other films like Singin' in the Rain as well, and whereas the long dance scene in Singin' in the Rain is tedious and awful (I said it), the long ballet sequence in this film is exquisite.  I'm not particularly into old films--my attention span is short and I think they laugh at stupid things--but I can understand why this film has been called the best dance movie of all time. I'm not sure I'm prepared to call it that (Flashdance? Anyone? Crickets? Just kidding.), but I'm definitely prepared to recommend this.

WHAT NOW.

Yes, this is the only photo I managed to take all wedding weekend.

Thursday I took what you may have heard me refer to as my "Defense Against the Dark Arts" final, AKA my American Detective Fiction final.  Though if we're being honest here, the final wasn't just a test on Thursday, it was a week-long marathon that included turning in a 15-page paper the Thursday prior, reading two novels, giving a presentation Wednesday, and then taking the final.  And it was more of a stamina test than anything else.

But I digress. I submitted my application to graduate today.

So the question is what now? My highly technical, spur of the moment answer is "who cares?" I'm done! It's summer! Go outside and eat a popsicle! A dreamsicle even! Though of course this is America and everyone wants to know everyone else's dreams and ambitions. (If this were France, I'm sure someone would just hand me a bottle of wine and a goose and then we'd all go take naps.)

Well, what's next is I'm going to go see Harry Potter Part VII.2.  Then I have only four weeks left of my internship at the GU Press before my ten-year high school reunion and Uruguay! Astonishing!  My boss keeps saying things like, "but you don't have to worry about that because you won't even be here then!" And then she laughs, and then I realize that where I'll be when said event to which she's referring occurs is in Machu Picchu.

Sometimes I sit agape and have conversations with my ten-year-old self, who was plum convinced that she would never fly on a plane or go anywhere and see anything interesting in the world.  When I tell her all the things we've done so far (she and I) she's usually a little dumbfounded.  Which is only appropriate, because I'm a little nonplussed myself.

People keep asking me WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY DEGREE. In the same way that people ask you what you're going to do with your new speedboat, or your new box of water colors, or the dining room set you won on The Price is Right. This is a very aggravating question for me because, while I understand that having an advanced degree helps you to get a better job, etc., I don't believe that that is necessarily it's purpose under all circumstances.  What I'm going to do with my degree is HAVE IT. And appreciate the experience of having gotten it and maybe, privately, pretend I'm a little smarter because of it.  (And, yes, try to pay off the loans I accrued because of it.) Like a speedboat, a degree has a practical application, but I believe that practical application is advanced critical thinking in everyday life, not just resume dressing.

Also, I may take my degree out on the lake an try to do some sweet jumps.

And then I'm going to plan my wedding.

When things get out of hand...

I'm just awful.  A month ago I sat down to write ONE quick book review because I was so excited and I just couldn't contain myself, but then I tripped and accidentally read ten books in the meantime. That isn't bragging, that's me being a ridiculous book pervert. So instead of vomiting all those book reviews here and now, I'm going to try to write a couple over the next few days starting with the beginning...

Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void
By Mary Roach

This is the fourth Mary Roach book I've read, which speaks highly for any author, let alone a non-fiction one.  You may recall that I had the enlightening experience of reading her previous book, Bonk!, out loud to Tim on a road trip and embarrassing myself in ways I didn't think was possible.  This book achieves the almost unimaginable feat of being un-put-down-able and taking embarrassment to a new level.  Consider for a moment these chapter titles: "Throwing Up and Down: The Astronaut's Secret Misery," "Houston, We Have a Fungus: Space Hygiene and the Men Who Stopped Bathing for Science," and "Separation Anxiety: The Continuing Saga of Zero-Gravity Elimination."  Topics covered also include cadavers, sex, space-food, and the psychological effects of space.  There were more than a few moments when my combined squirming and horrified shrieking were enough that Tim begged to know what I was reading about... but it shall remain unspoken.  Simply put... I could never, ever, ever, ever, ever be an astronaut. It's a ridiculous, disgusting job.  No one describes these kinds of things better or with more candor than Mary Roach.

I would recommend this book to: my dad and anyone who needs a good laugh.

Bossypants
By Tina Fey

Oh Tina. Tina, Tina, Tina.  This is the first book I actually spent real American dollars for on my Kindle because I simply could not wait to get it in my hot little hands.  It was totally worth it too.  And, bonus, the Kindle edition is also a good choice for those who are horrified by the cover of the book.

Anyone expecting this to be a solid memoir about her time running 30 Rock (because it's titled, well, Bossypants) it's totally in for a surprise.  Anyone who would gladly listen to anything Tina Fey had to say for hours on end is in for a treat. Pretend for a moment that Tina Fey called your house and said, "Oh, I have this great story I want to tell you..." and then just launched into it. Any interruption that occurred during this story would be like the apocalypse.  Someone else calls? You have to pee? It's dinner time? The FedEx guy shows up with a box full of kittens? NOT NOW!!! TINA FEY IS TALKING TO ME.

That's what reading this book is like.  I defy you to put it down.  I also defy you to read it in public without being stared at as you cackle madly.

I would recommend this book. (Tim read half of it in one sitting and was laughing so hard I thought his face would break.) Period.

The Loved One
By Evelyn Waugh

One of these things is not like the others.

Ok, admittedly, it's not really fair to group poor Evelyn with these two books.  However, let us judge it one its own merits.  The Loved One's humor is much more subtle and very dark.  It is, after all, about funeral homes in Hollywood.  This short novel (subtitled "An Anglo-American Tragedy"--how great is that?!) begins with a warning that states, among other things, "this is a nightmare and in parts, perhaps, somewhat gruesome.  The squeamish should return their copies to the library or the bookstore unread."  If that's not a dare, then I don't know what is.

Some people take pleasure in watching the British make fun of the Americans and make themselves look foolish in the meantime.  I happen to be one of those people.  I also like books where people who are absurd think that they're complete normal.  I wouldn't give this book my highest recommendation because it's a weeeence snooty, but if you're in the mood for some snooty intellectual gruesomeness you couldn't get a better read.

I would recommend this book to Jessica R., but only because she put Evelyn Waugh on my radar first.

Bonus material: Because of Bossypants, I got excited and decided that we had to hike Old Rag Mountain (yes, that's a thing) because it's something Tina Fey does in the book.  We thought it would take like three hours, plus the two-hour drive to get there and the two-hours back.  We didn't factor in "Virginia" and Tim's fondness for "taking back roads" and Google Maps' distaste for "rural areas."  Hence, we got lost.  When we finally found the trail-head, the park ranger smirked at our suggestion that the hike would take three hours.  It took five (that sounds like a bfd unless your the one on the mountain).  I'm quite sure Tina Fey downplays the amount of physical danger they encountered hiking Old Rag at night without water or a flashlight because there are a number of what I would like to call "death opportunities" on the trail. Still and all, it was an amazing hike aaaaaaand probably the closest I'll ever get to Tina Fey unless Sarah Palin's crazy-bus ever drives over Capital Hill again.

Mike, in a death crag.

Thanks, Einstein.

You might notice a trend. I like to broil things on top of other things.

This morning I made an open face turkey and tomato sandwich that I copied from Einstein Bros. I have no idea where the nearest Einstein Bros. is so this will have to do, and anyway I kind of like mine better because I can control all the variables (except that no one sells salt bagels in DC, which is a detriment to the entire region).

This is a pretty glorious breakfast if you remember three important things I learned the hard way:

1. Buffer. There MUST be a solid buffer in between the tomato and the bread! If you don't like turkey, fine (why?) but find something else (smoked salmon? More cheese?) or this is reduced to a soggy mess.

2. Burning. Watch anything you put in the broiler. I left my first attempt unattended the other day and had to eat a soggy... and yet also burned, somewhat smokey open-faced mess in the dark on the floor the other day. I guess I didn't have to eat it in the dark on the floor, but I was late for work and that was the kind of morning I was having.

3. Seasoned salt. Don't leave this out. The people at Einstein Bros. sometimes forget this and it's just a travesty.

Here's the low down:

1 Bagel or English Muffin (per person)
Mayonnaise (optional)
2 slices of deli turkey
Thinly sliced tomato
Cheddar Cheese
Seasoned Salt in whatever variety you like (Cavender's Greek would be good on this)

Preheat the Broiler and make sure your oven is in the second or third from the top position (close-but-not-too-close)

Slice open your bagel or English muffin. The proper way to open an English muffin is to pierce the sides with a fork, inserted horizontally all the way around the edges. It will just fall open. Did you know that? Anyway.

Spread mayo on your bread-product if that floats your boat.

Layer the meat (buffer), tomato, and cheese in that order on to the bread on a baking sheet and insert it into the oven. Keep an eye on it! In about 3-4 minutes it will be melty and bubbly. Remove from oven and sprinkle generously with seasoned salt.

This is so delicious. Watch for falling tomato goo.

This tomato is currently growing on my patio, in the same box with my oregano and lavender. I can't wait to eviscerate it and turn it into a delicious open face sandwich.